I haven’t got more than 6 hours of sleep in the last month, and besides occasional fatigue, I haven’t felt better! It’s not that I don’t want to sleep more. I can’t. I mustn’t. Almost daily since March, I’ve sacrificed most of my available time toward a larger goal that is still years off in the distance. It’s closer now than in February. Here’s the good and bad of what I’ve learned in actively dreaming everyday.
I don’t sleep in anymore, unless I’m sick, then it’s one hour.
I don’t really miss all the time I used to waste. The idle moments I might have otherwise filled with the noise of insignificance are now filled with upcoming posts: I’ve been building today’s post, #178, slowly over the last few months to have instead of a “200th post!” Friday’s post is up in the air. I’ll probably defer a concert review and maybe just write something fun. Saturday is a high concept fiction practice…
This is a grueling schedule. It’s not for everyone.
Especially not for those dreaming big and not working toward achieving their dreams. I no longer have as much patience for people wallowing in escapism or wasting my time anymore. I had someone waste 5 minutes of my personal time on Tuesday. This person didn’t reach out to reschedule, and when I asked what happened, the reply was excuses. Before, I would have been accepting of that disrespect. Now, this individual won’t receive another second.
Why waste time on people that are passively rude to you?
On this note, I’ve met people that overzealously attempt to achieve their dreams. These people actively spite others that aren’t buying into their vision. There’s one individual that comes to mind as a warning sign of what not to become. If you weren’t completely bought into this person’s mediocre dream, you were his enemy. So there is something to be said for buying into your dream too much. To live in that dream over reality.
I just wanna write, man.
Every item on these calendars represent an idea I expressed to the world. I’m really attached to some of them, others aren’t as good, yet each helped me develop my craft. None were written with the intent of making money. It’d be nice. I just know it’ll still be at least another 300 posts before I make a penny, and if it’s another 3000 posts before this becomes something financially viable on my terms, good!
I’ve been digging this process.
I am much more disciplined now. I awoke at 4AM, and other than a hour-long nap, it’s past 11PM now, and I’m still “working.” I wouldn’t be doing this unless I believed that I can eventually express something important for humanity. I’d be wasting time. When my dreams remained in my resting state, I was miserable. Now that I’m actively fighting to bring my dreams out of rest and into reality, there’s no more misery.