In ten years, will I have this spider’s confidence? It stared right at me. To not be skittish around anyone I don’t fully know? To not feel embarrassed over the most minor, benign, and otherwise harmless social faux paus? The courage to talk to anyone? Compared to ten years ago, I do have more self-confidence, so I imagine in ten more years of practice, I’ll be closer. I have had glimpses of this spider’s confidence…
“What’s some advice you have for self-confidence?”
I’m finding that to be an interesting question to ask people. It shocks some younger folks out of their thought patterns and some older folks are always ready to dole out advice on what they’ve learned through their past failures. Asking that question might be the easiest way to see into the future. I can’t time travel to meet with the 41-year old Anthony in 2028 pick his brain. Instead, I can ask friends, people I work with, and those acquaintances I might meet a few times that linger in my positive memories for a time.
Will I have finally fully comprehended self-confidence in ten years?
As I’m writing and re-writing this, I’m theorizing that self-confidence is about filling the cracks in your own self-confidence. I have seemingly borderline arrogance in some areas and I’m utterly terrified in other areas. Self-confidence might then be like medicine to treat a particular ailment. If it’s a lack of confidence in one skill set, then practice those skills. If you interview poorly, practice. If you write poorly, practice. That’s why I’ve found venturing outside my comfort zone yields success or learning lessons.
Will I stop being my harshest critic? Will I have become my greatest ally?
Maybe that’s why it’s difficult to accept criticism? It’s not about lacking self-confidence. It’s that feeling that you’ve done your best and are then showing a raw artistic interpretation of yourself to the world. If you’re not ready to potentially hear any flaws that you couldn’t anticipate, that’s stressful. Maybe that’s why I’m not so interested in writing reviews anymore? Having to dissect others and myself to interpret something? Having to defend each sentence and argument? I’ll stick to topics that help me feel good.
Will I be able to accept my flaws and mistakes sooner?
My biggest self-confidence downfall might be “missing a beat.” Even if I hit the right notes in a 50-step process, if I screw up the last bit, I’ll feel embarrassed about the whole thing. That perfectionism would cause me to scrap the whole thing ten years ago. Now with my writing and publishing schedule, I’ve almost completely dropped my self-consciousness about what I write. There’s no room for perfectionism here. Once it’s published, it’s almost entirely out of my mind. Can I feel that way about more things in life, like casual conversations, more often? Will I have learned to drop any lingering anxiety sooner?
Will I have the spider’s confidence, to flinch yet not yield, while checking out life?
|Sources: Recent conversations
Quotes: Nothing really, other than that Bruce Lee paraphrasing.
Inspirations: Besides the spider?
Related: This week’s series, pondering life in 10 years…
Typos Caught: [I can seemingly borderline arrogance…]