I wanted most and least to write about this, so let’s just get this done. I was invited to see Clutch and Orange Goblin on March 29th 2013 during a spot in my life I barely remember where I was financially insecure with a rough job and the emotional immaturity to blame all of my problems on others. I had a little to drink. I woke up the next morning and finally decided to face my problems.
I’m not sure where I want to go with this.
The easiest route is that I’m in a much happier spot today than I was. Just that I have my shit together enough to be able to take the photograph above says something. The photo depicts Dr. Mindbender, the action figure I use both for scale and for humor typically within my lightbox, tackling Batroc the Leaper. The photograph features some symbolism with the background objects and that Batroc isn’t quite down still twirling his moustache.
There’s guilt, too.
Rather than an anniversary founded on positivity like a birthday, this is more like remembering that everything before this was-
That’s getting too heavy.
I have a quote I like to think about sometimes, “clean and mostly serene” rather than the traditional “clean and serene,” because like that Batroc, you’ll be going along your day and something will frustrate you in a particular way and it’s like an itch that just won’t go away. You know a quick way to solve that itch. It’s effective. Then the itch may go away maybe not to return. More likely the itch will persist in different ways and thrive.
That’s why I like to also think about how this time has been me learning to tackle issues head on, or if it’s too intimidating to confront the beast head on, then cheat and beat it while it’s down. It’d do the same to you. Sometimes it’s good to shy away to regroup, rest or call for backup, but always fight. Don’t allow this stress or that disruption to run your flow and kill your vibe.
What I’d do after stressful encounters is I’d lock myself up and drink until I’d wake up in zombie mode the next morning, go into an autopilot mode, only to rinse and repeat. What I do now is stay with the problem to figure out the right fight approach, where fighting back with fire is a nuclear option that sometimes works, otherwise, figuring out how to extinguish it with more class tends to work most often.
I won’t address the converse, the social drinking or indulging in moderation, because that’s all excuses to me. Instead, I’ll end with stating how these past four years have been rife with challenges, as it should be for anyone, and it’s not so much a matter of hiding away from problems as solving them. Maybe I’ll figure out the underlying anxiety and come to terms with drinking responsibly again, until then, sobriety is the better problem solver.