When I received my choices for potential shifts, I threw the gimme answer toward day shift, but really, I wanted to work nights for one main reason. I’ve had the experiences of fast-paced work for years, now. I picked an easy job so I could use their time to write. I cannot write working days. Too much work, too many people, too much visibility. Here, as long as I appear busy, I can reclaim time.
Why do we wring out the last bit of everything for all its worth? Is it because “we paid for it!” and therefore must fully use every last byte, nurdle, or grain? If so, and if we don’t use it fully, we end up wasting it, not in terms of using it, but in terms of not using it. Their husks clutter our lives. Use it up or throw it away! You can buy more.
If your vocational work isn’t all that you love it to be, and you want your avocational work to take its place, maybe because you have some romantic notion of its superiority or you just know that you love it more, chances are you’ll probably want to start your avocational work after your vocational work. As much as I’m an advocate for not being lazy, there is a certain risk of pushing it too far.
My work-sponsored health insurance helps make my work-sponsored anxiety affordably treatable through addictive anti-anxiety medication. It’s a vicious circle that I’ve once again been thrust into. There is no real easy life, just learning to cope with what you can, and changing what little about life is under your control. I do what I can. I wake up early to read, write, and/or publish, so when I get home, I can sleep restlessly without resting.
The only time I’m depressed is taking anti-depressants. Those are the hours and days where I do nothing, feel nothing, and want nothing from life. Those are the times where I stare at nothing for three hours and feel content with hating everything about myself. I couldn’t quite describe this to Doctor-Number-Two, based on how I felt when taking Zoloft, but I sure can say it based on being on Amitriptyline until I regained myself.
My kinda work has always been customer-facing. Sometimes that’s led to new friendships and other times, my compassion has been tested and broken. There are days where people will either innocently or intentionally be so rude that I can’t help but not feel excited about helping out the next person. I suppose the thing toward developing a thicker skin is not letting those things bother you, but how? Take everyone here rude significantly less seriously.
[3:11am] I’m in the middle of a cluster headache right now. I wrote read instead of head, there, at first. I can handle a migraine. Just don’t look at any bright lights and try to focus on something. I can handle a tension headache. If I move around enough, usually that kink will sort itself out. What if the two fight for priority over my thoughts? What if the tension and migraines migrate around my body?
Even with the antibacterial soap to disinfect your hands, the grime permeates into every pore of your skin, and this all just feels so raw. I can see why thrift shopping appealed to me so much. Broken toys for a broken soul. Now that represents a time and a place. I’ll still look. I keep my hands in my pockets now, one on my wallet to remind me of value, the other on my SOAK.
When I’m writing and encounter not a writer’s block, but a writer’s bump – where I’m not confident how to proceed or it doesn’t feel right – I’ll take a break. While writing “A Story About Self-Confidence: What’s In A Name?” a month~long story at Eville Medical in the Sammohini Arc of “The Story, that meant either going to bed early or driving into work early. During those drives, I’d often figure out the next section’s solution.
My favorite books include writer’s resources because they help the reader express through writing better how they interpret the world. Communication like this is useful in all situations. Although Adam Savage freely admits not to be a narrative writer in Every Tool’s A Hammer, he does offer similar resources. If you can learn to maintain your workspace, document your to-dos, and most importantly, work with deadlines, then you can achieve your goals; whatever you’re making.
Rating: ★★★★★ [5/5]