[Applied Self-Confidence] 201X In Review

I started the decade working at some gig and I plan to end this decade either at a concert or at home. Regardless of where my decade ends, I’ll be in a much better place than the previous, if only because I’m more fully self-actualized. It isn’t all positive, and it wasn’t all progressive, but the regressive elements have just added character and helped me endure life more than I could have ten years ago.

I can’t find specific proof of the start of the decade.

If it’s where I think it was, then I was covering the night shift as I am now, and we ran into some big issue that ended up being small. It’s been a fun story to tell over the years, at least. Through the next few years, I slowly became disinterested in integrating with polite society. With ten years of hindsight, I could see that as I sacrificed less of myself – being less of a professional goon – and more of myself, I became less interested in working a traditional 9-to-5. If the only benefit of that is paying for health insurance, a steady paycheck, and having enough money in the bank to buy a house, well, I tried all that.

Would I send a message to the 2009-me?

No. I’m happy with who I am now. Even though it was, admittedly, a shitty ten-year stretch, I got so much out of the decade than what I put in. I got sober, for one, and for two I got my purpose: writing. I might not be there yet, and if it takes me another decade of writing excessively day, then, whatever, man, at least I’m doing what I like doing. When I watch videos, watch anime, play videogames, sleep during movies, hear albums, or do whatever, there’s always the itch in the back of my head that I could be doing more. I can barely get “in the zone” whereas writing requires that sort of zone-ness. When I break concentration like at the start of this sentence, I’m able to get back into the concentration more to carry me along.

What if I could advance 2009-me without sacrificing 2019-me?

I’d tell him to invest his money better than he did. I’d tell him about companies he could invest in that could make him become richer than his wildest dreams. Oh, I can’t do that? Well, I’d tell him to stop taking life so seriously. Then I’d tell him to quit fucking around with shit that doesn’t matter and focus on what does matter, but because he wouldn’t know what that would be, he’d probably just focus more seriously on things that didn’t matter, which is why this whole time travel thing doesn’t work too well.

Here’s something to think about.

My mind races through events past and future. Looking where I am now, watching the front door of my apartment-mansion, I am almost reminded of seeing this in my future-past. I can see glimpses of the future through this present. It might just be my mind’s way of remembering the present by dressing it up in the future. I could just be imagining things. I feel like there’s more to it than just that, though, so I’ll just leave it there, since we were talking about hypotheticals in the previous paragraph, then actual changes in the paragraphs before that.

What would I like by the end of this next decade?

I want to live a life with no external burdens. Waking up and going to bed at certain hours for work sucks when that work isn’t directly fulfilling. I can do the work and there’s enough downtime where I can do things that inspire me to feel like I am Zombiepaper, but when I evoke that sort of difference between Anthony and Zombiepaper, I look at it like this: Zombiepaper is who I want to be and Anthony is who I am currently. If Zombiepaper is the idealized version of me, then Anthony is the host that has to endure the pains and sins to enable Zombiepaper. If I don’t practice Zombiepaperian actions, like writing or brainstorming lifestyle choices that would enable further Zombiepaperian lifestyle choices, then living as Anthony can become unbearable. It’s not like I hate myself. It’s just Anthony represents that me that is content with working a job because it’s easy, whereas Zombiepaper is willing to fuck shit up and do what needs to be done even at certain expenses.

I would like to be more like Zombiepaper by the end of the decade.

The major thing stopping me from attaining all my dreams and goals, besides my physical impairments – headaches – is not focusing on what I need to do next. If the previous decade was about finding Zombiepaper, this decade should be about realizing Zombiepaper, and then maybe the next decade will be about deconstructing Zombiepaper. It doesn’t matter, just as long as I do fewer things that would lead Zombiepaper or Anthony astray and more things that would self-actualize both personas.

The early years of this decade will purge the nonessentials.

Wherever I start the decade, it will be in the spot most optimal for the rest of my decade. If that’s at a show, that’ll be because I found people to network with that appreciate me for who I am and we mutually want what’s best for each other. If that’s at home, then I’ll be working toward advancing myself to then advance others.

Either way, I’m excited to see where I’ll be in the late part of December 2029.

I’ll do everything I can to invest in myself, and less selfishly, those that can collaborate for even further advancement amongst each other. I see no need in sacrificing myself for the good of a corporation and I think the next decade will see that become a reality. How that happens is up to me to decide.

If I don’t work on achieving my goals, my goals won’t happen.

Endtable:
Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal and professional experiences.
Inspirations: I thought of the introductory paragraph about a week or so ago, and since people are making content about the year or decade in review, I figured I’d jam on my own equivalent.
Related: “2019 In Review
Picture: I quick jam comparing 201X to 202X.
Written On: December 20th, 2019 [25 minutes, from 4:07am to 4:32am, while listening to ZUU, WordPress]
Last Edited: December 20th, 2019 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.