[Applied Self-Confidence] Create Your Meaning

In ENDLESS WAR, I was thrust into a morality decision that I did not like, so I acted or perhaps overreacted in ways that best suit my core thoughts on life. This didn’t make the other happy. When I woke up, I found myself writing my life’s ethos over the period of roughly ten minutes. It’s not a perfect representation of every aspect of my beliefs. However, as a broad starter, I think it’s fair.

This regarded my vouching for an alternate account.

“I believe life is meaningless at its core and so we must create our own meaning in order to live content lives. [Absurdist, yada yada.]

For me, I believe in fair access to information as a core function of my meaning of life. Everyone should have access to information and so having that information hidden away or being a secret on such a large scale as an alternative account – which is against Discord TOS, regardless of whether it’s a casually known secret, doesn’t fly for me. [That doesn’t mean I can’t keep secrets as in someone tells me about how they’re doing in private. I am debatably ok with paywalled information. News? No. Non-essential private media? Yes…][1]”

There are nuances involved with secrets personal, trade, and government, of course.

I would say that having such a quote without going into every nuance of every debate would be the equivalent of chopping vegetables with a katana from across the kitchen rather than at a kitchen’s chopping block, which would be asking about every single nuance, however, that’s not really the point here. I don’t want this essay to be a fully-encompassing look into my life’s philosophy.

Rather, I mean to bring that scope out a bit and say this is what everyone should do.

What is life to you? Is it meaningless like I’ve defined it? Or do you find meaning within the religion of tradition or capitalism? These and other big questions are ones that are important to ask ourselves in a good headspace so that we can then decide where our priorities are in life. Without answering these sorts of questions, it might be more difficult to make decisions when our morals are pressed. Even in a situation where I’ve essentially decided all of these things, without having written them out in a way that makes sense for me, however, I never really answered these questions.

Now, I have a reference point for myself, which I wanted to save for posterity.

That might somewhat go counter against the notion of wanting to live a meaningless life, so yes, overall, I believe that there is no meaning to life, but I place value into it of my own accord. That includes valuing the time I spend doing things. After I wrote that, I !mined in ENDLESS WAR for the first time in too long. It was a mostly trivial endeavor. I lost more than I gained on the surface, but I gained some minor things. For as long as we are in this version of the game, which could change whenever, I have a good mining route now for when I can mine [both in-game and out-of-game], so I’ve ironed out inefficiencies there.

There’s also a Minesweeper style minigame that I won’t play any further.

I never enjoyed the game, so when my gaming options on older computers were limited to it and Solitaire I would never play Minesweeper, especially now when it’s a high-risk-low-reward minigame. I suppose if I were more nihilistic, I would enjoy these sorts of challenges. Maybe, then, I’ve built meaning atop that nothingness? So although I believe life is fundamentally meaningless, I find meaning within earning imaginary points in a videogame, if only to spend it on imaginary My Little Pony figurines and imaginary cigarettes to give to in-game friends.

Without your value systems casually or clearly defined, you may feel uncertain in these situations.

Would you spend a half-hour playing a game where you didn’t earn much except ironing out some inefficiencies? What if that was fun for you? What if that wasn’t fun for you? What if you learned nothing but still had fun? What if you learned nothing and had no fun? What if you gained nothing, personally, but you contributed to a cause you support? What if you nor that cause gained anything? What constitutes a waste of time for you? What doesn’t?

Those are the sorts of questions you might ask if you’re feeling unsure.

I value the spirit of exploration, so for me, I would consider wastes of time in two main regards: fruitless frustration or delving disappointment. That ENDLESS WAR half-hour could have been fruitlessly frustrating had I spent it entirely playing the Minesweeper minigame, losing more slime, but after catching onto its high-risk-low-reward framework, I stopped interacting with it, having explored enough of this aspect to be satisfied. I spent a half-hour meandry through Sludge Life last night, which was closer to a delving disappointment for me because while it looked cool it didn’t play cool for me. Was it redemptive because it gave me meandry thoughts about graffiti culture?

That’s where I must return once again to the ideas I laid out above.

Over both plays, I gained information, so that was worthwhile for me. The over half-hour I spent writing this essay, similarly, helped me focus on some of my thoughts in these regards. Although I wouldn’t say ‘I’d happily sacrifice a half-hour of time to learn about X,’ I subconsciously thought that and nearly wrote that, so I suppose I would find few exceptions to that notion off-hand. I might prefer the sacrifice if it were closer to trading or bartering of equal worth [for me], but life isn’t always that fair, is it? Asking ourselves these questions might, then, help us determine why we get offended over things, and whether those offenses are worth getting worked up over.

My morality, there, preferred defending a TOS agreement over a casual acquaintanceship.

Quotes[1] I usually use this section when the quoting isn’t clear, which started after I’d quoted random people in earlier essays, but now it’s just like, yeah, that was me. Cool.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: I felt pretty bad after the initial events transpired, but, had I had that concluding sentence “My morality, there, preferred defending a TOS agreement over a casual acquaintanceship.” more queued up, I could have avoided worked-up emotions. Now, if that were a close friendship, in-game or out-of-game, then it would be different, but the whole TOS disagreement thing returns to the high-risk-low-reward aspect of Minesweeper. I had little to gain and much to lose by vouching for this alternate account that kicked this whole controversy into action. But hey, I wrote a meandry essay with inspiration from it, so it was worthwhile, right?
Related: Other Applied Self-Confidence essays.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 May 29 [7:44am to 8:33am]
Last Edited: 2020 May 29 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.