My self-confidence was in shambles over 4 years ago. Between sobriety, encounters with possibly thousands of stressful people including one abusive manager that would psychologically harass me so much during weekly Friday meetings that I’d leave feeling absolutely worthless, and generally picking up the pieces of my life, I’m in a better spot now. Celebrating those Fridays, let’s consider self-confidence weekly, starting with perhaps the strongest mantra you can apply: you deserve any spot you choose.
You deserve anything you want, within reason.
Concerts provide a great analogy here. Starting off with a bad spot (the photograph shown above) at the back of the venue at the GUITAR WOLF show, I politely moved forward, until I was able to get the shot. There’s a little more to it than that. Just before Seiji took the stage to perform the encore, there was a spot front and center, and I moved in by the time someone else noticed it.
You don’t have to ask for permission to get some spot you want.
This applies to more than just taking a prime spot at a concert. Almost as an inalienable right as a creature on this planet, especially as a human being, you deserve to have a place where you can relax. You deserve to exist in your own private sanctuary where you can live as you want, in comfort, without judgment. You deserve a judgment-free zone that you can temporarily escape to when the world seems overwhelming.
You deserve to have self-confidence.
We’re not talking about unchecked egos. We’re not talking about taking advantage of others for your own profit. This isn’t about being arrogant at other people’s humiliation. Nor is this a matter of knocking yourself down after you’ve accomplished anything halfway nice for someone else. I don’t think that your own humble self-confidence requires beating anyone else’s self-confidence down. You can live your own unique life, free of manipulation, at no one’s expense, without guilt.
You deserve the happiness that arises from autonomy.
My path to self-confidence was so slow I barely even noticed it. I am not worried about little things as they might apply to me. There was a recent exchange where someone in a panic was looking for an answer. I knew the answer. The other person in the room answered it in exquisite and superfluous detail. The panicked person said, “whatever you’re here for today, you’re hired,” looked over at me, and I shrugged.
You don’t need to display your worth like it’s a mating ritual.
I am a flawed person. I have made plenty of mistakes and continue to make plenty of other mistakes. This is true for everyone. I’ve embraced my own inner imperfections and am no longer embarrassed by them. I am now comfortable enough with myself that I am willing to bet on myself. I’ll sacrifice elements of myself that I consider adequate for chances at self-improvement to become better. I’m willing to give up good spots.
You deserve increasingly better spots.