[Applied Self-Confidence] Disobeying Prime Directive, Part 2

I’ve never liked going up on stage to talk to large groups of people, nor talking to large groups of people, or addressing more than two people, but I suppose I’ve been able to get over some of that through sheer force of bullheaded determination. If I need to do something, I’ll shut out the fear, then go do it. Is that what happens when, like I mentioned in Part 1, we ‘disobey the prime directive?’

I still have a difficult time writing things I know will be seen by many people.

Sure, that will still happen with my essays and novels, but the reader here has opted to give my writing at least some time. I don’t often read an essay, novel, or article just because I don’t have the proper time to give it. I’ll queue up news articles about current events that I want to read then read them when I get the chance. Essays and novels, well, I’m still trying to figure that out but I figure for those I read them when I have the time and want to read them.

On Discord, or any social media really, you have to be succinctly casual.

I’m probably still one of the more formal writers within Endless War. As my favorite writer tim rogers pointed out so keenly, “[you use formal punctuation…] if you’re a narc.[1]” So I’ll, too, omit formal punctuation and try to keep it relaxed, but still clear. Part of falling in with groups is adopting their mannerisms, and if everyone writes in a certain way, it’s better to try to do that. Besides, I’m not a formal writer that is concerned with the pedantry of punctuation and properness. I’m just some dude that likes writing, and I find that if I write with clear punctuation, it helps.

If I’m in a hurry, I’ll even skip capitalizing the first letter of a sentence and other typographical sins…!

I can assume that most people don’t think like this, so it’s probably part of why people can go up in front of audiences to speak. When I’m less worried about things like punctuation, I, too, can write to wider audiences. I think that’s why I’m comfortable writing so much here is because I write with an assumption of trust with you, as the reader, that you will give me the benefit of the doubt as I try to work through thoughts, even if they seem obvious to you.

You can’t assume that in chatrooms with strangers, at least, not initially.

Especially when it’s a MMORPG MUD, like Endless War, where you role-play or just real-play a side. For the example here with my avatar, it has been well-received by even Rowdys, but many of my fellow Killers have liked it, and some even made parodies of it based on the eponymous Endless War monolith that stands as the central character, Discord bot, and theme that the game emanates. If some Rowdys don’t like my avatar, well, it’s the same as the few people in the back that don’t like the opening band at a show.

I’ve only been up on stage with performers once.

That was during the fan-interaction portion of a Daikaiju show where lead guitarist Secret-Man motioned at me as I was taking photography. I might have jumped up on the stage, but that was trivial, since they started their set by bringing the instruments into the crowd’s standing area. I’ve had other opportunities in more traditional examples of a performer inviting crowd-members onto the stage, like Green Jellÿ but they do that as a bit anyways, and besides, it’s never really interested me. I would say less now because of fear and more actually because of that prime directive idea.

I’d always wanted to be more of a hands-off writer.

While Gonzo journalism has fascinated me for years, I never wanted to influence the action by being part of it, perhaps out of some sense of journalistic integrity? I broke through for RADCON 4 because I wanted to support the project and I’ve liked what they’ve done for years. That led me down this route where I got the avatar made, as part of the poster, by Ben “patreon.com/bensaint” Saint. They posted an Endless War lecture, I watched it and thought about re-joining, since I had jumped in briefly in late 2018 only to leave the server having done nothing, but this time taking it seriously.

I waited until I could pick a side.

The thing I like perhaps most about Endless War is that two of the smartest members of the Pro Crastinators Podcast lead development of the game. Munchy is their youngest member but has a vast, untapped potential of energy – mentally and physically – that he’s been using. Munchy’s Manuscripts directly inspired Media Meandry. Ben Saint, on the other hand, along with making the avatar also made Nuzlockes I’ve appreciated for longer. After a few days of deliberating, including whether I wanted to even disobey the prime directive, I joined and picked Killer.

It’s been a great ride so far and I’ve been happy with my decision.

It’s too early to tell whether joining Endless War will be the next steps toward me attaining my goals in life, but at least for now, it’s been nice putzing around in the game – I haven’t been taking it as seriously as some people, but that’s OK with me – and chatting more in the non-game chatrooms. It’s still weird to me to see people talking about my avatar, even when it’s positive, but that’s going to be more common for me as I get out there more. I’ll see that at work, when people talk about seeing my name around, and I’ve experienced that elsewhere in life, too. I suppose when your reputation precedes you, you begin to feel self-conscious. It’s OK. I figure so long as I build up a decent reputation, I’ll be fine.

In the next essay, I’ll write about interacting with “famous people.”

Quotes: [1] tim said this somewhere in his Let’s Mosey: A Slow Translation series, so I’ll let you find it.
Sources: My personal and professional experiences.
Inspirations: Mainly from part one, I figured, why not write a whole series explaining my thoughts on this broad topic from multiple perspectives?
Related: Other Applied Self-Confidence essays.
This 4-part Disobeying Prime Directive series could be summarized like this:
1 – Others Talking Positively
2 – Outside Comfort Zones
3 – Nature of celebrities
4 – Others Talking Negatively
Picture: Part 2 of the screenshot shown from Part 1.
Written On: 2020 April 19 [Midnight to 12:28am. Gdocs.]
Last Edited: 2020 April 22 [Adapted from Gdoc, so, second draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.