[Applied Self-Confidence] Goals For: {2020, 2021}

It’s about a half-year into 2020, so how did I do with my 2020 non-New Years Resolutions? Objectively, I failed. Subjectively, I’m still on course, it’s just taking a few months longer than I thought, and leading me down some roads I wasn’t anticipating. I’ve been able to work through them as best I can and even being as optimistic as I can, there are still ways I can improve myself and my working process going forward.

I should be in the middle of writing Novel 02 by now.

It’s mid-May when I’m writing this essay, so I’m still not technically at my half-year mark, but the way my publication schedule works, we’re kind of around mid-year. I would say that my plans were sidetracked for mainly external causes – health. I’d been working through headaches since about halfway through Novel 01, which was caused by poor ergonomics at work, and now I’m working through lower back pain, caused by standing at my standing workstation at home without giving my back enough time to rest. I have some trepidation over some potential bills that might ruin my bank account over this, but we’ll see.

America’s Healthcare Policy of “Don’t Get Sick” is still in full force.

When I get better, I’ll have a renewed passion to get things sorted out. I might still be drawn to my computer, but I think things should turn around here shortly. I’m optimistic and still feel that things are subjectively on-course because my three-phase plan of downsizing, writing, re-assessing is easy to adjust in terms of months. I can push the re-assessments out to 2021, which is to say figuring out how to make money from writing, and still be alright. I’m happy with my progress, just as long as I’m making any progress toward my goals.

I’ve accepted that my life will be full of setbacks.

I’m not critical of myself when things are mainly outside of my control. If I’m sick then there’s no point in making myself sicker by pushing myself more than necessary, unless it’s a few hundred more words to complete an essay. What I am critical about is when I procrastinating excessively without working through why. I’ve been borderline procrastinating lately, but it’s mainly because I’ve been hurting so much, and now that things are calming down I should be back on track soon.

I think I’ll need to re-arrange my plans slightly.

Once I’ve downsized my possessions to where I could move into a one-bedroom or even studio, I will swap the fiction writing with the legal matters of creating a business around selling ebooks and maybe even books, I can then focus my energy on writing fiction. I’ve had nearly a month off that, were I feeling better, I could have spent writing fiction. I’ve done little bits here and there, but not enough. I’ve been focusing on writing essays, like I am now, because they’re easier to write and they help me figure out where I am in life.

I’m overall doing fine, but I could use some cleaning up.

Part of that is just how my mind works. I always want to have things going on, and I’m always searching for the next cool thing, but I keep forgetting – even now – to complete things. To my credit, I am down to three backlogged drafts to finish, but more broadly, my life is a bit messier than it could be in regards to everything I do. My inbox could be emptier, my apartment-mansion could be more organized, I could have a better understanding of how legal matters work so I could protect my works online, and I could have more discipline for using my free time, but I think in my own way, I’m learning to juggle things.

I’ve really only started to play videogames within the past month.

Otherwise, I never allowed myself the time to unwind, which could have contributed to my health problems. Now I realize there’s a balance that can work well. I can play some videogames, so long as I use that time to unwind, and then write something somewhat related. It doesn’t have to be much, but even trying to remember that I’m playing videogames, or whatever, as a reward for having done something or an instigator to do something is powerfully motivating for me.

In that way, I’ve spent the past month rewiring my brain.

Given unlimited time, what would you do? For me, I let my biggest temptations envelop me, so I could fully explore their worlds, then, I backed myself out just enough where I can dig in when I want to satiate those temptations in exchange for doing certain activities. For example, if I want to play a certain videogame, yeah that’s cool and all, but then I’m going to have to explore some thoughts and write something. If I’m down for that, I’ll play for a while. If not, then I’ll figure out if it’s not something more physiological that I need to work on.

Rewiring my reward sensors should help me work more efficiently going forward.

Just having my own needs in mind is an effective way to go in life. If I find myself exhausted or stressed after every encounter with someone or something, I’m OK with blocking them, either digitally or mentally, and doing my best to ignore their troubles. They may just find me an easy target, so avoiding that is a matter of dodging out of the way just enough to let them target someone else. If it’s a professional environment, well, if things can’t change to better my relationship with it, then I have to adapt, change, or move on.

Overall, I’d say I’m still on-target for ending 2020 on a high note.

I don’t know when I’ll start writing Novel 02, but I’ll have a better game plan when that happens, and who knows maybe I can write Novel 03 shortly thereafter?

That’d be more ideal than writing novels once a year, otherwise my wasting time…

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal and professional experiences.
Inspirations: Noticing on my writing calendar that I’m around halfway through the year. Tomorrow and the next day will have more formal stuff. Somewhat. Tomorrow morning’s essay, which I’ll write soon, is basically in the same vein, but might address more self-confidence, versus this which was, I guess, more of a general report on how my life is going?
Related: Other Applied Self-Confidence essays.
Picture: Quick sketch.
Written On: 2020 May 14 [8:28pm to 9:01pm]
Last Edited: 2020 May 14 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.