Words mean nothing when you’re stressed out and longing for that familiar, harmful way to decompress. Even close to five years later, the numbness of having a drink or five is still ingrained in my psyche as the ideal evening. We must instead practice alternative actions. Since I don’t think as clearly in the evenings, after constantly confronting stress, I go to sleep early to subconsciously wade through that stress to arrive at actionable solutions.
In ten years, how will sobriety look? Not just mine, but our scientific understanding of addiction? We have antidepressants, anti-anxieties, antipsychotics, and SSRIs to potentially destroy our free-will to dampen our emotions. How about something less extreme? Will we have a pill addressing only the physical reactions to stress… possibly causing addiction? Will stories of insobriety still weigh me, and everyone, down? Will polite society become more accepting? Will we see sobriety root cause analysis?
Ten years ago, rage and other emotions consumed me to the point of lashing out irrationally. Now, rage and other emotions still engulf me with their negative solace- that part hasn’t, and may never, completely go away for me, or any of us- it’s just I have more coping mechanisms. Maybe that’s the root of addictive behavior? Being unable to cope with the harshness of reality? We should then find subtle positive solaces within reality.
My annual review comes up in March. Five years with “the company.” Five years of arriving ready to work, punching in the proverbial clock of redemption, every single day, regardless of how much I feel like calling in sick to escape into a daytrip of entertainment and debauchery. Part of what I’ve learned over these past few years is that if I find myself out of work, I must immediately get another gig lined up.
How much can we understand of this world? We go through school to study as much exoteric content as we can and maybe specialize in certain esoteric topics. Some of us might push the boundaries of research and help the rest of us. Others reject all that. Their realities will never be fully understood. We’ll never really “know” fringe thought the same way we do popular thought. Is it because we just can’t understand everything?
Five years in March since I last drank any alcohol, five years in March since I last consumed any cannabis, and I just passed two years without taking anything that could affect my mind or body, other than caffeine or naproxen. This’s the one I’ve had the most trouble talking about because… how can I put it… …this is the counter that says I need to close any cheating loopholes. I am addicted to weakness.
Passing another year of sobriety- five years in March– let’s consider how the Gig Life has both reassured and risked that progress. The biggest aid is that I’m almost legally prevented from getting too invested in any gig; I’d have to bill for that time. The biggest ailment is the grit that comes from jumping into projects in the yellow or red. Contractors are never needed when big projects or workloads are in the green.
Float tanks just host isolated meditative environments. There’s no prerequisite to get stoned, nor are you forced to do anything, other than perhaps relax. Sure, you can keep the tank lid open and some tanks can play music. Otherwise, it’s just you and your mind. I’ve found that with my sensory inputs dampened by the tank environment, I can conceptualize bigger or broader ideas, or I can address deep rooted psychological issues. Nothing psychedelic, man…
WAC 314.11.015 3(g) often causes me to choose reclusion. I am fed up with this! “Employees may not…” “Permit any person consuming, or who has consumed within the licensed premises, any type of marijuana, usable marijuana, or marijuana-infused products to remain on any part of the licensed premises.” While concerts are the riskiest, I’ve smelled cannabis in libraries, restaurants, buses, and everywhere in downtown Seattle. My safest route to avoid imposed psychosis is to stay home.
Starting four years and eight months ago, I began developing mental fortitude against temptation, negativity, and the stresses that would otherwise compel me to numbness through alcohol. This pursuit of sobriety propelled me into self-improvement, which I partially credit for my endurance to evade sketchy situations in my conscious life. How about in my unrestrained dreams? Where anything is possible, including finding myself pouring vodka into this very glass, splashing in some orange juice, and…