[Tripping On…] My Optimism: Gone

I spent most of today’s energy talking to Molina about my medication. Two-plus hours with them, including one 40-minute call with one of their reps, before talking to one of their supervisors because of the degree of failure that was happening with their representatives before I could get any clear answers about the case manager that had been assigned to my case along with finding out that my medication had been denied for specific reasons.

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[Tripping On…] FND At Office

I went to the pain clinic expecting to get pain relief, but, after having gone to seven other pain doctors, I’ve secretly known that all that I get at pain doctors is pain. Today, the pain became so severe that my body gave me my 5th flare-up of FND. I asked the pain doctor’s assistant to move my numb left hand – my fingers looked purple and shriveled. My body could be moved, except by me.

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[Tripping On…] Early Birthday Present?

I went into my appointments with the musculoskeletal doctor and PCP expecting disappointment, which is the baseline for my expectations the American Healthcare System. It is easier to bounce back from being pessimistically disappointed than having my optimism torn further asunder. I can keep my cynic virtues, observe the events as they happen, and react. But today I was so surprised that it seemed like I was getting better – until I moved around; still painful.

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[Tripping On…] Musculoskeletal, PCP Repeats

Some months back, I don’t care to go digging to find out when exactly, I met with my previous PCP on the same day as a musculoskeletal doctor. I will be doing the same thing my-tomorrow. The previous musculoskeletal doctor meeting was a waste of time, and the previous PCP meeting was even more of a waste of time; at least the musculoskeletal doctor was upfront about not being able to help. What about tomorrow?

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[Tripping On…] Seroma Properly Sorted…?

My-Yesterday, I called my insurance company, Molina, to ask about doctors that the treat seroma that is at or near my tailbone. I was sent an email about plastic surgeons related to the ears, nose, and throat. When I asked if this rep was sure, the phone went silent, I hung up, called back, and was told that the musculoskeletal doctor should sort this out. Fortunately, they did. The referral should be in the system.

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[Tripping On…] Hernia Appointment Soon

My-Today, I scheduled a consultation with a surgeon about the hernia near my belly button, scheduled a ganglion impar block, progressed the seroma details, and did so all with feeling in poor physical health. It’s unfortunate that so much of this burden ends up being  placed on me, but for every negative, it seems like there are positives. There are times the negatives outweigh the positives, then, the reverse, so it’s an unnecessarily wild ride.

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[Tripping On…] Another FND Attack

Attack might not be the correct term for it. I’ve said flare-up more often, but, the complete loss of all bodily function through an entire paralysis after waking up, maybe equivalent to sleep paralysis, no matter how you phrase it, is fucking terrifying. It’s like experiencing reality without you. You’re there, you exist, but there’s nothing you can do other than keep trying to wiggle your way out of the paralysis, taking minutes or hours.

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[Tripping On…] New Potential Apartment

If things go according to plan, then by the time this essay publishes, not only will I have signed a lease with a new apartment complex, I might have moved either partially or fully into that apartment. The timing might be tricky, because I have to get the new PCP to help me sign disability paperwork, or, go to a different PCP, and if they have any openings, then go from there. Kinda promising, maybe?

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[Tripping On…] Sacrum Isn’t Infected…?

Over the next few weeks, I’m going to be shifting my writing and podcasting content to my healthcare and moving out, unless I have some recreational time after having done a sufficient amount of effort toward both, or, if I don’t feel well enough. Today I wasn’t feeling well, but I did talk with my musculoskeletal doctor who provided a confusing conversation to me about my sacrum MRI. I have …non-infection… problems with my tailbone?

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[Tripping On…] Pain Relief: Unrelieving

I bathed for the first time in over a week today because I felt disgusting, but I ended up getting into worse shape because of the physical gymnastics required with getting into and out of the tub. Mostly through my sitting there, my tailbone flared up. I’ll be talking with my musculoskeletal doctor tomorrow with possibly, but not probably, an answer; more likely an excuse and another delay in patient care; someone else’s valued problem.

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