I use escapist media most effectively to augment or de-escalate the emotions I’m feeling. If I’m feeling indifferent, finding something that reinvigorates my interests helps. If I’m angry, something to blow off steam helps. I like finding some new world to get lost in, and when I can name those sensations or at least approach that naming, I can quietly think, ‘yeah, let me just go punch a whole bunch of flowers for a while.’
My mind was so taxed that I spent hours – although not as many as this screenshot would suggest – enraptured in Pokémon LeafGreen. The idea crept in quickly. I stayed up too late playing. However, the need to play was so fierce that I had to comply. Were I not, then that harmless vice of playing videogames for some hours might be usurped by more dangerous vices. How can I play videogames… while still living my life?
I have just enough energy to write about how I’m feeling before I need to go back to sleep. I think what’s happening is that my spine is compressed in such a way where it’s pinching the nerves now in my lower back. It was my upper back. I’ve learned all the stretches I could to fix that. Now my lower back is acting up in much the same way. I’m feeling the same headaches.
My headaches returned with such vengeance that I had to leave work after lunch because I was in such pain. It’s like if each sentence here was punctuated by five minutes of shuttering in pain. All my physical therapy stretches were failing me. I was feeling everything I’ve written about, from the head pangs, to intense pain behind my right eye, all at once. After getting home, I zoned out as my body repaired itself…
My neck feels awful. Everything feels terrible and I hate it. Everything I’ve been taught over the past few months is not helping. Only escaping into other things, like writing this essay, are helping me out. Otherwise, I can’t concentrate. I can’t form complete sentences or even spell correctly. This is how a mindbender headache feels. I will probably have to deal with these throughout the rest of my life. There’s no cure, only mitigation.
It’s tough to get the motivation to do much of anything when my back, shoulders, neck, and therefore head all hurt to such a degree that I lose any creativity or ability to think with any nuance or mulit-task-icity… There’s not much I can do without drastic changes to everything, so I’ve just stopped rowing for a few days, and have done what I’ve could to rest my back. It’s been helpful but only somewhat.
I woke up with a bad headache, but not a mindbender. Just a day-ruiner with enough potency where even after I had done all the stretches I learned in the Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] series, I couldn’t fix it. I laid down on my foam roller with my neck at the top and my tailbone at the bottom, and surprisingly, found my left shoulder had jettisoned out of alignment by probably one inch…
While I was doing my taxes, I was asked if my medical expenses were more than $2000. “If you had less than [that] in medical expenses, it won’t affect your return, so we want to make sure you’re not doing extra work.” I had wanted to do an exacting digital audit of all the money I spent on the headaches I endured, but procrastinated on it, so as a quick estimate, no, I hadn’t spent $2000 over.
I had no headaches from February 12 until March 28, where I felt flashes of a headache forming, but disregarded those warning signs as victorious measures proclaiming how I had built up immunity until I needed to sleep through an entire day because any movement from shifting my head to spine would cause debilitating pain. It’s March 30 when I’m writing this essay and I’ve sorted out my headaches for at least a few hours now. The solution?
In the sudden rush to build my work-from-home area weeks ago, I had to sacrifice my home gym’s sacred space. What space was once dedicated just to rowing, which I could occasionally relinquish when inviting guests over to sit at the dining room table, now must also be shared with boxes so I can stand while I work for the unforeseen future. Because of this and current events, I’ve been having trouble burning off calories.