I used to often visit the thrift store that would hire people from the nearby AA/NA meetings early on into my recovery. As my spine is recovering, as my body is growing its strength back, and as I feel more able to do more things again, my mind’s memories are returning through that thrift store. While I can’t remember the color of carpet – probably beige – but do remember broader sensations. It feels like I’m re-recovering.
I like testing my limitations. I used to enjoy going thrifting, but I found the materialistic aspect too addicting, where I’d leave with bagfuls of mediocre objects that I wouldn’t end up doing much of anything with, besides hoarding. Now that thrift stores are reopening, despite COVID-19 cases also reappearing nationwide, can I still go thrifting – as long as I’m careful about what I buy? I nearly purchased three items today. Here’s how it went.
Even though my materialistic desires are almost completely drained – between wanting to live cheaply and efficiently, my recent bout of health issues, and realizing that on a daily basis, I don’t interact with almost any of the objects I own – I still had enough energy for a journalistic trip to a yard sale during the COVID-19 pandemic. Everyone is required to wear masks to enter businesses where I live. I’m not sure about yard sales…
How does one avoid the clutters of life when there are so many cool things to collect or acquire? The easiest answer, externally, is to not collect everything. Internally, however, this is a difficult decision because what it requires is, among other things, the discipline of letting go with the item, both physically and psychologically. Questions about potentiality might enter the mind, as it clouded my judgment, until I decided to digitally clear my inventory.
Until today, I haven’t had the energy to even consider going out to the store to be a good capitalist purchasing agent for groceries or inexpensive collectibles. I’ve been wanting to go for the past six days, but six days ago, when I woke up, ready to try to leave, my core muscles just screamed “NO!” Only today have they calmed down enough to where I haven’t been in constant agony. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow?
Unless other needs develop, I don’t feel I want to sell privately to individuals anymore. This is mainly because of current events. As much as I enjoyed some of the process of selling things, and as much as I enjoyed taking you along as a reader, I think ultimately, that’s not where I want to spend my writing time. What will I do with all of the excess stuff, then? Sell to businesses or donate…?
Does the hoarding mindset allow clutter to reside within the space it’s allowed to have, unchecked? Yesterday, before going out, I saw a note on the door to my apartment-mansion stating that management would be touring apartments. I’ve already cleared out all the unchecked clutter so I felt confident to let them be. I can invite people over now, whereas in my old place, I could not. I’ve learned to keep my open space saved.
I found this brake pad along my first walkabout since current events made life weird. I picked it up with gloves to feel its weight. This is a neglected object I most surely would have taken home with me years ago… It, along with a take-one-leave-one book kiosk or free library, reminded me that it’s up to us to decide how we want to control our hoarding tendencies or even how we live our lives.
Any object I’ve really hated owning, I’ve already gotten rid of by now. The remaining few might be hiding in boxes, unintentionally waiting to reveal themselves to me. These are items that might remind me of negative events or people I don’t respect. The item can remain the same but when the relationship changes, that’s when we might be more apt to throw stuff out. Below, I’ll write about one such example, then mediate further.
Some objects I love are the photos I have of my childhood dog Patrick. Whenever I see these photos, I smile, because he was smiling. He, overall, led a good life. Although at times there are melancholy feelings as I review these photos, thinking about shouldas-wouldas-and-couldas, if I look at them earnestly, those potentially lukewarm feelings are replaced more with warm sensations. He was so happy. I love objects like those that inspire positive feelings.