[Fiction Practice] “Good Cop/ROI Cop”

“He just punched you in the face!”
The bruised cop rubbed her chin while assessing the unassuming suspect.
“Now then, I hypothesize you must be weighing the benefits of running versus surrendering. Are you calculating your abilities to outrun us? Considering your economic gains by selling these stolen goods? If you don’t resist arrest, we’ll go easy on you and I’ll just consider the punch a temporarily depreciating investment. Otherwise, your assets might run dry!”

Hot summer afternoon
Lower Eville Precinct
Chief Ocalwol’s Office

Chief Ocalwol displayed a particular file on her desk.
Officer Reews sat, holding an icepack to her bruised jaw.
Officer Stanley paced, silently, sipping her warm iced tea.

“Good work, Officer Reews. You too, Officer Stanley.”
“Thanks, Chief. The odds were favorable for us…”
“There you are being humble again. You’re doing great.”

Officer Reews combed her wild green hair with her free hand.
“Yeah, it’s just I estimate that anyone here could’ve caught ’em.”
She looked around the office before looking at the desk.

Chief Ocalwol opened the file. It contained unworldly photos.
“We’ve been commissioned a secret assignment. Office Stanley-”
Office Stanley set down her drink, sighed, and folded her arms.

“-I’m sorry. I know you transferred out of paranormal…”
“You’re right I did! I told you I’ll only deal with normies!”
She rubbed her scarred face caused from an unfortunate case.

“There’s a strong probability that this must be serious, Pari…”
“Officer Reews is right. Look, consider it before saying no.”
Officer Stanley sighed deeply and leaned over the file.

“Alright, so we’ve got a giant monster attacking-” the chief laughed.
Both officers looked at each other, puzzled, before the chief stopped.
“That was great!” A mild chuckle. “OK, so first-” A final chuckle.

“OK, so first, there were strange coincidences happening at the docks. We were getting hints something weird was going on, but nothing solid. Our client brought in this large file of information asking for our help. It’s serious. She’s-”

The door opened. A decorated agent entered slowly. Three followed her.
“Ah, Officer Stanley. Good to see you’ve held up. We’ve both seen better days.”
“I’m fine, thanks… Chief, I specifically said nothing paranormal for this reason!”

One guest, an animated rock creature, set down the now empty glass of ice tea.
“SORRY. LOVE TEA.” Another guest, an undead spirit, patted the golem’s shoulder.
“Ya shoulda axed, Ni.” The spirit asked around. “Kin ‘e’ve had th’ drink ‘e drank?”

“Please excuse the team. Meet Ni and Xigmigjig, and behind them, Obtén.”
“How do you do?” The dullahan bowed her detached head with both hands.
“So, what do you say, officers?” “What’s our return on investment for this?”

Officer Reews jumped up, facing the decorated agent without saluting.
“Officer Stanley’s not fond of you, so your bartering weight’s… depreciated!”
A shock ran through the chief and the guests at this insubordinate statement.

“Well! We’re here to save the Meaning of Life!”
“Not interested.”
“Yeah, take your stupid speculations and beat it!”


[After “Crimedog Motorbike Casino“]
[Before “Detective Peaceknife’s Case“]
[Semi-random variables]

My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.