I missed three alarms. It’s easy enough to sleep through chirping alarms when you’re tired. My backup alarm, set much later, startled me awake. Those alarms were trivial on the surface, however, you can draw analogies from that. I plant situational alarms that sound in subtle ways, so if something goes off, then it’s time for me to investigate before something worse happens. They’re like red flags so when one of those sound… “let’s investigate!”
It’s all about trusting yourself and your gut.
If something doesn’t seem quite right, you should be able to act appropriately. I was in negotiations recently where I suggested mutually beneficial effort. You help me, I help you. You are motivated to help me because of something I can provide. I am motivated to help you because of something you can provide. This even trade involves subtle displays of information.
So let’s say “you helping me” is X and “me helping you” is Y.
During communication, both X and Y should appear at all times. Even if merely acknowledged, this shows that motivations are constantly being appeased during this effort. If I omit Y from the equation, then why should you help me out, else the effort is not worth the reward? If you omit X, then I know that this negotiation might not turn well, else I find alternatives.
Constantly communicating what they want in small updates is key.
You have to watch for the words being used to tell that an alarm is being tripped sometimes. People can be clever when they’re trying to get what they want. The biggest confidence manipulator is that we always feel at ease working toward our ends of the bargain if they always state what we want to entice and engage us.
It’s a straightforward trick and it’s one I’ve found to be very effective.
I was working on this one thing that had fallen to the wayside. I saw the other person so I prompted the dialogue update. I started with saying “hey, I’m sorry I haven’t updated you recently,” and provided a full update. I ended up getting some positive reinforcement kudos out of it.
How about when you continually don’t see Y in communication?
If the effort is large on your side and small on their side, you can create some friction by politely stating the totality of effort. If it’s a matter of me saying “I want this,” you can respond with “there’s a slight hurdle here, and this needs to be cleared.” That reminds them how much work it will take you to accomplish your side of the bargain. That could blow up.
However, if they’ve already inspired doubt, negotiations might have already failed.
So probably the biggest trick is to make sure your alarms actually work. Are they plugged into the right setting that works for you? If you hear a “but” contradict the previous clause, do you pay more attention?
That’s a subtle alarm.
Find more to spot during conversations.