If there’s been any sort of evolution of my livestreaming over the past six months since I first started livestreaming, I wouldn’t point to view counts or having a mic. It’s being more comfortable with the process. I knew going into this stream that I wanted to spend the whole time hanging out in FF7’s Cosmo Canyon, but what I didn’t realize is that I’d spend 4 hours on what most might roughly spend 10 minutes doing.
The objective isn’t the conclusion.
The objective is to soak in as much of the nuance of the scenario as possible when it comes to media that I enjoy. I’m currently reading the Autobiography of Malcolm X, and though I wouldn’t say it’s an enjoyable read, I have been heavily invested in reading it so far. I’m 7% done! Between reading more, reducing my addiction to technology by understanding better that I can control my own mindset, and, my spine health recovering to a point where I could stream for 4 hours with only minor fatigue at the end, without pain, I would say the past 6 months have been quite productive – in spite of all the health problems I’ve been dealing with throughout all of it.
When will I be ready to return to work?
I imagine that as soon as my spine health consistently improves, without any negative regressions, and my strength returns. After I did this stream, I socialized for a bit as one does on Twitch after sending one’s audience to another channel, before napping. The stream itself was fun. I felt like I was sharper and more able to weave ideas around, commenting on things that people brought up, and, weaving that into a greater whole. I still used my platform to rant about my healthcare experiences, but I feel like doing so is a good way to advocate for the health of others – if I report and complain about my specific experiences with doctors to my insurance company, that does nothing for you or the wider audience. It can establish a precedence that my insurance company can use, but most likely, they’ll only do something if multiple patients complain.
Instead, I want to use my platform to advocate for self-advocacy.
Part of that is the healthcare stuff, but most of it is being pleased with yourself – in the moment. I wanted to hang out in Cosmo Canyon so I did. There were times where, now, I realize I was somewhat being defensive about doing so, but it’s just because the culture of the moment is so focused on blasting through games as quickly as possible without truly experiencing them. It’s fine for most things. For books like the Autobiography of Malcolm X, it’s a fascinating autobiography, and from a storytelling perspective that is worthwhile, it’s just not a pleasurable read. Malcolm X didn’t live an easy life, but reading this book, understanding his context within still-contemporary society, is important. For most people FF7 might be the same, and, perhaps even for me. I’ve played further than Cosmo Canyon… maybe? It’s hard for me to say how much further I got along by myself. I know the plot and I know its wider details, but the specifics are lost due to over twenty years of living.
Am I blasting through the autobiography as most blast through FF7?
I would say that I’m not studying the sentences and reading more as a whole, so perhaps. It’s hard to compare the two, but I will say I would prefer to read over playing videogames now, unless playing videogames have the express purpose of soaking in the scenery – equivalent to meandering through a paragraph multiple times. We have many years to meander through many media. What do we spend our time doing? I’d rather read, write, and casually hang out with others as we play videogames. I don’t need to challenge myself to achieve certain experiences in videogames, although it is fun to watch that in others. Hanging out while watching KingOfApoc play BRAHMA Force, for example, is an equivalent experience to me playing the game myself. I can vicariously experience my victory through his victory.
But I can share my interpretation of videogames with others.
During my stream, itterama said that he used to play videogames like I was doing, of exploring every part of towns, and that’s the sort of idea I want to perpetuate when I do these “roadtrip” livestreams to videogames. Videogames don’t need to be an escape from reality. Although I streamed on a nice day, it was also a rest day for me between chiropractic appointents. I didn’t need to do much more than what I was already doing, and, it was a good test to see whether or not I would find myself in extreme pain after doing the livestream. Even after sitting there for four hours, and hours later here now as I write, no. I don’t want to chance it significantly, however, I feel like I’m permanently on the mend now because of my chiropractic appointments – more deep tissue massage than spine cracks.
Let’s say my health is on the mend and I return to work.
I’d like to stream about once a week, maybe more depending on how things go. My priorities would be working, maintaining a good mindset while doing that, writing, reading, and decompressing appropriately. I also need to do what I can to downsize the possessions that would get in the way of my moving somewhere cheaper. Part of that involves figuring out which media I value and don’t. I own videogames like FF7 digitally, so there’s no physical object to concern myself with, but for books like the Autobiography of Malcolm X, I have to ask myself, “how many more times will I reread this book at length versus reading parts of it or all of it digitally?” That question must be asked of everything.
If I want to go on lengthy roadtrips in real life, I can’t have excessive materialistic baggage.
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Writing about my stream after having done it.|
|Related: Other Media Meandry essays.|
|Picture: Screenshot from the stream|
|Written On: 2021 April 29 [10:39pm to 11:08pm]|
|Last Edited: 2021 April 29 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|