I’ve been at Wall Market in FF7 for over five months. It’s not a difficult part in the game. There aren’t any wild fetch quests. I’ve been there so long only because I’ve wanted to soak in all the nuances of the world that I’ve procrastinated on spending that hour to actually go about soaking it all in. These sorts of minor, tangential thoughts are the ones I want to write about in “Media Meandry.”
Staying there for so long might be because of this Wall Market video.
In it, my favorite writer tim rogers and guest Jason Schreier putz around for about one hour going over the cultural nuances from the original Japanese language version and how they changed into the English version. From playing through the game again, I can see hints of how hyper-literate it is, so when I play the game, I want to fully appreciate what it has to offer, yet that same mindset has led me to procrastinate on actually exploring the world.
Is it the Fear Of Missing Out?
That’s more of the notion of wanting to appear cultured to others. I’ve already chased after that for years. I have no intention of being anything other than myself, chasing after whatever weird tangents I want to chase after, and yet there is still that idea of wanting to see if I can experience things as they should be experienced, which is to say, given their proper time. While I have hours of time to spend writing and editing, I never really gave myself the time to appreciate other aspects of life.
That’s what this series of essays intends to do.
When I used to play any game, watch any episode of any show, or otherwise consume any media, I’d feel like I wasted that time because I didn’t have an avenue to express any general thoughts I had, so I didn’t want to waste my time with it. This series, in a sense, is like the intermediary between experiencing things for my own personal enjoyment versus experiencing things to write reviews. I used to write concert reviews for this same reason. If I’m going to spend an evening out “not producing content,” as I often thought, I wanted to justify it with “something of value.” Then I got too formal with it, and then I realized I hated the whole attempt at interpreting my subjective experiences as these objective opinions, so I gave up on those reviews.
This section may allow me to do both.
I wouldn’t want to spend 88-plus hours playing FF7 without anything to show for it, but if I write about my thoughts at various stages of the game, then it would be more worthwhile. I started the idea for this section with “Practice Exploring Everything,” continued it with “Soaking It In,” then after reading Munchy’s Manuscripts, I figured this would be a good balance.
Those were all meandries toward this central thought:
We will never experience everything there is to experience in life. There will always be new things to check out, discover, rediscover, or unearth. Rather than dread these moments and never try to experience them, because we won’t experience them “fully,” I think it’s better to give them a go to the best of your ability. Why wait around five months before playing some section of a game? Well, now I have a section where I can justify to myself why I spent that hour of time or three doing something. As long as there’s some decent content to extract from experiencing the media, why not use some time to write about them? Or in this example, explore my thoughts on why I haven’t put in the time?
Answer: I’m not great at managing my time.
I’ve learned how to manage my time professionally over the years, so I’m not wasting too much time on one thing, but when it comes to my off-hours, only in the past year have I started to appreciate the time I can carve out of the day to apply to other avenues. I’m relying on my personal calendar more and my writing schedule calendar has allowed me to look, at a glance, what I should be doing with my time. My minimum word count is still 500 words daily, but now that I’m publishing two 1,000-word essays daily, with intentions of building up enough of a backlog to spend four months writing my second novel, without intending to write a bunch of crap or filler, that means I’ve got to diversify my writing content.
I also need to learn to relax and unwind more often.
These thoughts all lead to an eventuality where I should schedule time on my next few days off to actually proceed through the rest of Wall Market. If I schedule two hours of time, that would be sufficient. What reasons can I think of for delaying this? First, health. My headaches are inconvenient and terrible, so they dictate everything else. Second, publishing. I want to make sure that I get everything published that I can. Third, projects. Like selling off all my old junk. But I should include self-care as a fourth item, which would be playing more videogames and consuming more media without any major concern.
Scheduled well, we can have those two-hour breaks throughout any busy life.
I’ve already scheduled my selling projects daily, so why not schedule time daily for unwinding? When I get home from work, my decompression will usually just involve putzing around YouTube videos or maybe publishing from my backlog, but maybe I should say, alright, cool, let me chisel away at some of these nagging feelings I’ve had in regards to not wanting to leave a section of a videogame. It’s not like I can never replay it. I can keep save files. I guess in my mind, once I publish something, I’ve left that thought behind.
I can always go back and revisit Wall Market or old essays.
|Sources: My personal and professional experiences.|
|Inspirations: Besides Munchy’s Manuscripts? I’d thought about writing about errant thoughts like this for a while, so I figured, why not make a new section or whatever for them?|
|Related: Other Media Meandry essays. Also, “Practice Exploring Everything” is like the Proto-Media Meandry essay.|
|Pictures: Not quite a representation of Wall Market for me, but I always enjoy the opportunity to do things like… feature a toilet randomly.|
|Written On: 2020 January 06 [34 minutes. From 1:08am to 1:42am with about five minutes of that casually talking to others. Gdocs.]|
|Last Edited: 2020 January 10 [Possible edits adapting from Gdocs to WordPress. Would this be the second draft, then?]|