I spent roughly 2 hours and 18 minutes coloring this picture to bring it to its second draft from its first draft. It is for a contest where, even if I lose, I feel that I’ve gained through my own technical understandings of art. I’m drawing in MS Paint, which is not forgiving for coloring. I could download other free programs, but I feel like the challenges in working in such a restrictive program help me learn.
The biggest thing I learned was seeing the object without abstraction.
What I mean by that is that through each step of the process, and let’s take the balcony shown in the upper-right corner of the picture, I thought about how to engineer the balcony while I was drawing it. It’s not perfect, and I don’t know how much more effort I’ll put into this besides cleaning up some of the major flaws, like how the building sides don’t exactly match, then calling it good.
I think of media as a learning process.
You should be constantly advancing through the media you’re meandering through, whether you’re drawing something like this, writing something like this essay, or playing a videogame. If you’re meandering because you need to unwind from life’s challenging meandries, then, sure, it’s fine to spend two 2 hours and 18 minutes in any media. The question becomes, though, did my time investment equal any sort of reward?
We always look for external rewards in life.
I think most people work toward receiving the congratulations of others. Is that the artist’s downfall as well? If they look at what they’ve made and declare it is terrible before they’re even done because they see the little minor flaws in it? For me, I don’t consider myself much of an artist. I mean, I can do art, but this is a hobby I do while I listen to podcasts or for the fun of the sport. I might consider it more rigorously if I were able to get more out of it… but the question becomes, would that be internal or external?
Would I do more art if I were paid to do it?
I’m not sure. I did some art today as part of a thing I’ll write about later for someone. It was a complete surprise for them. I spent about 1 hour, maybe 1 hour and 30 minutes, drawing and going all out, to do this cool picture for their character. I didn’t do it for payment. I only did it because this person was polite and nice to me, so I wanted to reciprocate the feeling of acceptance that I had received from that person.
They were surprised and pleased with my picture.
Through ENDLESS WAR, I’ve realized that the art and media I appreciate the most are earnest expressions. Those can be commercial still. Artists can still be paid while making media that inspires others to meander through them, so I am not against commercialism in this regard. I suppose the difference might be in regards to this picture. I don’t have the physical or mental energy to “go all out” like I’ve done in previous entries, so I’m being more careful with my time for this contest.
I could even submit this panel as-is…
I accept that my art will not be perfect and I’m happy with what I can do.
I have artistic restrictions because I have not studied anatomy. While I have received some respect within the community for my artistic abilities, I have also received equal – if not more – grief from the community for playing the game that serves as the foundation for the art. It becomes a weird, overwhelming balance at times that makes me debate the level of effort I want to put into things like this art or the game itself.
I play as a Staydead where we can haunt players in certain conditions.
Haunting steals a minor amount of slime from these players. Almost unanimously, players either hate or accept this, and vocally express their disgust of Staydeads. This hatred has been getting worse over the past few weeks. I admit that I am an active participant in this, so I am not a sympathetic person. My justification is that this is a gameplay mechanic that I enjoy. There is a 10-minute cycle between haunts, so it encourages me to work on other things during the time between haunts, and when there is no one to haunt I can actively work on art or other things while keeping an eye out.
I suppose that when I play FPS games, I, too, don’t like snipers. I have expressed multiple times to multiple people that if my sniping were a significant detriment to players, I would feel bad about it. I do have some moral standing when it comes to people playing, and there are some players I won’t target. There was one specific bad actor that swore at me a few times as we tried to clarify the data. That same day, one of the game’s kingpins, or people that made and manage the game, had stated that he had discovered how there were bad actors and toxic behavior within the community.
That kingpin and I talked, I showed him the bad actor’s acting, but it hasn’t improved much.
The only way in which it has improved is that I am more vocal when bad actors grief on me and these gameplay mechanics. Today, I felt like leaving this community that has brought out my artistic talent because the behavior of these bad actors has continued. It came up randomly, and so I wrote, “But I think this is a conversation about Pokémon type listings rather than the usual hatred toward Staydeads.” I think my calling out bad behavior directly to the bad actors within the community is helping, but that also means I’m playing a different game.
That also means I’m losing my interest in contributing to this community.
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Hmm, so in the half-hour after writing this essay, there was someone that expressed interest in becoming a Staydead. I got the usual shit because of it, so I concluded that thought with “and also, I don’t feel like haunting anymore, so don’t worry, I’m not going to be doing it anymore.” So it comes to pass that when I am pushed to my limits, that I have a personal breaking point. If this is it for my contributions to the community, I’m not sure. For now, though, I don’t feel the need to contribute to the community, even if they acknowledge that this sort of abuse is a cornerstone of the community.|
|Related: Other Media Meandry essays.|
|Picture: Panel 1 of 5.|
|Written On: 2020 August 14 [8:31pm to 9:08pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 August 14 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|