This podcast idea solidified toward the end of the four-hour mark of my Zelda 1 stream. I was tired. I felt like it would be nice to talk to someone, bounce ideas off, and, give myself a break in talking. Although I can, apparently, talk for four hours at a time, it’s nice being able to take a breath. When I asked everyone on the Zdiscord, Beigo RiceFox was the one to volunteer the most enthusiastically.
Beigo and I talked about many complex topics effortlessly, so, it made sense.
The title of the Semi-Interactive Podcast popped up at first before drawing Zombiepaper Theater as a way to describe some of my livestreaming intentions. I imagined my livestreams during the tail-end of my bad health as more podcasts than the traditional content of livestreamers. If I’m honest, watching people play videogames is most interesting, to me, if the player is well-skilled at videogames or conversation. I tell people on Twitter when I’m feeling like having fun that people could watch let’s plays instead, because I see so many people following the same paths in life – without thinking of why they do the things they do.
I think most people waste more time than they’re willing to admit to themselves or others.
It can be small, from wasting a few minutes waiting at the grocery store for a transaction. Those are moments where I “write” or “read” – I think of ideas that I want to write, or, I think of what I’ve read. When I idle, it’s more just pausing to soak in the sun or overcast rainy shade, and look around my life. It’s been less than two weeks since I’ve been liberated from the inflammation that debilitated me in almost all areas of my life, so, when I get out to do things it’s with that renewed sense of purpose. Most people take for granted how much ability they have. I’ve been disabled for so long that it still surprises me some of the small things I can do, like putting on my shoes without feeling massive tailbone pain.
It’s with that context where I force myself to do many things in life.
I can defer tasks and I’m not the most motivated person in the world, but when it comes to writing and now reading, I do the best I can to read for 30 minutes daily, and the last time I wrote under 500 words as May 17 2018. Not quite “May 16,” but close enough. With that sort of discipline, it is actually impossible for me to not think of writing or soon reading each day. Although I tend to wait until the last hour to write, every day, without fail – even the day of my surgery, and the day after – I wrote. If I was incapacitated for more than a day, sure, I would have given myself a pass…
This is the sort of discipline that Beigo and I have toward our chosen paths.
Learning Japanese is hard. Writing novels is hard. Doing anything to self-actualize your dreams is going to be sufficiently difficult. There’s a certain feeling that I get when I write, like I’m doing now, where there is no better pleasure. I’ve never gotten as high or elated as I’ve gotten while writing. Writing like this is fairly rudimentary by comparison, almost, I might say, writing for its own sake, but each day I write an essay or more like this because each day this is me sitting down to work my way through the writing process. I might think about how I can communicate an idea while I write, or, as I’m doing now, I’m able to improve the channeling process between my mind and the fingers. Being able to spitball ideas quickly in writing has helped me spitball fun ideas during livestreams.
During a previous livestream, we all had one unit of fun.
Although it’s a joke, for me it’s almost like I have to schedule fun now, not so much because I can’t do any fun activities, but because I’m less interested in something mindless like playing a videogame or even daydreaming about nothing – there’s always something to do. There’s an essay to write, there’s 30 minutes to read, and there are plans to get me closer to my long-term goals. Never someday. I won’t write “The Story” someday. I’ll write it after I’ve cleared off a sufficient number of my short-term and long-term goals. It’s not practical for me to guess “2031” or ten years out, but, the next five or ten years will be where I’ll rev these projects into high gear.
That’s where “someday” isn’t an absolute term.
“Someday” is a lie we tell ourselves regarding dreams that we might want to pursuit. It’s one thing to say “someday, I’d like to go to Mars,” as a sort of dream. Although semantics are tricky in this situation, “someday, I’d like to write a novel” implies a sort of powerless over the situation – if only the situation were different, then I’d write that novel. NaNoWriMo is great for encouraging writers to actually spend the time to shift into first- or second-gear on their writing ambitions, because, just like I’ve seen with so many people interested in anime or other Japanese media, many people will lie to themselves and others about how “someday, I’ll learn Japanese” or “someday, I’ll write a novel.”
If not now, when?
All that said, we both had a great time, but we were able to inspire people to act toward their “somedays.” That’s the true gift. It doesn’t matter if a livestream or podcast are successful in financial terms. Everyone can hustle for money. Money is easy come and easy go. Being able to talk about things, whether it’s writing, Japanese, work, or things people have put on the backburner for a while, having the ambition to get out there and inspire people to do what they’ve been meaning or always wanted to do…
Inspiration is much more of a gift than anything.
|Sources: Our personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Thinking about the podcast a few hours after we recorded it.|
|Related: Other Media Meandry essays.|
|Screenshot: I was screwing around in OBS.|
|Written On: 2021 May 06 [11:06pm to 11:40pm]|
|Last Edited: 2021 May 06 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|