At the beginning of the year, I had what I considered a realistic goal for getting my life in order to where I could start dipping my toes into the waters of “The Story,” like I had with Novel 01, for Novel 02. My health went to shit, the world went to shit, but hey, if we can look at the bright side of these terrible times, I have made some progress toward writing “Novel 02,” I guess…
Spoilers?: None [considering efforts in 2020]
When I played through Pokémon LeafGreen, as a means to mentally escape the physical pain that has been a constant daily problem since April 2020, I used that playthrough as a means to start thinking about “Novel 02.” I thought of some new characters and figured that if I couldn’t write, at least I could plan. I had wanted to clear out a majority of the physical items that are preventing me from moving somewhere cheaper, so I could prioritize more time to writing, but now I can barely even lift a 4-pound water bottle, let alone sort through all of the many boxes taking up space in the apartment-mansion. On days like yesterday, where my spine was so misbehaved I could barely do anything, walking was extremely difficult. On days like that, I need two canes just to move my broken body to the toilet and back.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, “Novel 02,” or “The Story.”
On good days, I feel like I can self-actualize my dreams and goals toward living a better life. Today feels like a complete flip of yesterday in terms of physicality. On days like yesterday, I can’t even cook food for myself because I’m in so much pain, so I nibble on what I can and sit at my computer and zone out to whatever I’m watching in pain and agnoy. I am on a strict pain management medicine regime. Some days, like today, the 3 pills of 5mg of Oxycodone allow me to function as a normal human being. On days like yesterday, even dipping into the minor reserve I’ve built up for myself when my spine isn’t killing me doesn’t help.
If my health ever gets better, I imagine that I’ll be much more productive.
Not in the “hustle culture” sense of always working, but in the sense of allowing myself the rest when I need it, so I can always be working toward my goals. If I get my health back, I’m going to sell a majority of my videogame collection. I’ve been streaming and uploading Minecraft builds and that is a majority of what I could want to do regarding streaming. As much as it’d be fun to stream on original hardware, that would probably not be realistic. At most, I could probably do some streaming, but these are plans I should do once I can actually have the energy to reliably move around enough to set up a videogame controller.
Minecraft has been the biggest positive toward “Novel 02” this year.
If you dig around the links I posted in the previous paragraph, you’ll see how far I’ve progressed with building out set-pieces from the Eville Medical area in Minecraft. The game is far from perfect, and I dislike many portions of it, but I overall like it more than I don’t. I had been borrowing a temporary account up until yesterday, when I paid for an account, which is not something I would have expected to have been saying at the start of 2020. Then again, if I knew how bad my health would have been, I don’t know, I probably would have tried to figure out how to manage things better. I probably would have quit rather than accept the poor ergonomics my employer forced me into with our COVID work-from-home no-plan plan.
How would April 2020 have proceeded had I quit instead of worked from home?
I wouldn’t have played LeafGreen because I wouldn’t have found my spine in as terrible shape has it had starting in late April, and continuing to the point where it is now as an unbearable pain that I’ve had to bear for months longer than I would consider humane, and if I hadn’t played LeafGreen, would I have played Minecraft? Would I have gotten into watching livestreamers play videogames were it not for my bad spine? These are the sorts of hypotheticals that I don’t like to dwell much on. If my life’s dice roll were on a twenty-sided dice, I most certainly rolled a 1 or a 2, but even with such a low number, there are still positive elements.
That Minecraft map, for instance, has been a great place to dump ideas for “The Story.”
Even for set-pieces I haven’t built yet, having a visual representation of what I could do has been a positive force in my life, since when my spine isn’t actively taking over every fiber of my concentration, I can consider what to work on next. 2021 might be the year I cut back on writing as often. Maybe I’ll only publish once daily? Maybe I’ll write two essays that are only 500 words? I think there is value to livestreaming or recording my Minecraft builds. It’s a nice space to relax, offline, if I don’t feel like socializing, and if I do feel like socializing, it’s a great way to meet new people or strengthen my friendships or acquaintanceships with others.
Let’s say 2021 is the year where my health restores to some degree of normalcy.
I might imagine myself writing in the mornings, going to work, exercising, then livestreaming, building, or watching others livestream to unwind from work. I don’t know how I’ll be able to balance all of that, but if – that’s a major if – my health is restored, then I’m sure it won’t be too bad, so long as I’m careful and moderate my energy levels.
Realizing Sammohini’s apartment, “EMAC-260,” is a good enough success for this shitty year.
|Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.|
|Inspirations: Exploring my thoughts on my “Novel 02” progress.|
|Related: Essays helping build “Novel 02.” This novel is formally called “A Story About Self-Confidence: Something About Anxiety,” and is a sequel to “Novel 01,” which is part of the Sammohini Arc of “The Story.”|
|Written On: 2020 December 25 [6:24pm to 6:50pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 December 25 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|