Writing “The Story,” along with “Novel 02” will require giving many parts of myself out to the world, as I did with “Novel 01.” Not everyone is interested in that. That’s fine. We shouldn’t try to befriend everyone. What happens, though, if someone insidious gets into our life and begins abusing it? Unless we completely close ourselves out from everyone, it’s bound to happen, so we should do what we can to guard ourselves and our allies.
Spoilers?: Minor [guarding against attacks]
I didn’t set out for it to be a comprehensive video covering all aspects of abuse, nor would it be the end-all, be-all on all things related to overcoming abusive situations, but it was just my take on four different events that I’d been working through in my mind. Well, a fifth – since I celebrate people following my channel and add their name onto the “wall of appreciation,” what do I do when these people remove me from their following list, or perhaps, do things where I might want to block them or have decided that I don’t want to associate with that person?
These are complex topics with no right answer.
I can do things to protect myself and my viewers by blocking words that I deem to be socially destructive. Words that we might discuss from linguistic or other perspectives without being destructive, but otherwise, might be destructive toward others. I’ve preemptively blocked some slurs from being used during livestreams, of which this was recorded offline as I dredged through my thoughts, and I’ve blocked other heavy topic items related to current events or politics so as not to deal with the ramifications of such words appearing in my channel. We get into heavy topics, sure, but they are topics that I believe are important toward helping people better themselves, and I believe that understanding the nuances of politics will usually just depress and enrage people.
Why bother with that?
My focus is on bettering the self through changing perspectives and addressing the darknesses of our lives. I meditated on the notions of four different abusive situations. From strangers to people closer to people more famous and why they do what they do, and whether their apologies ring true. By adding my thoughts into this void, sure, that does open the doors to encourage more of a spotlight on me, but, really, I’ve always had this notion in mind anyways. Private conversations are never truly private, and why should they? The best conversations change your life, and we love sharing life-changing events with others. The deep, personal secrets should remain secret – unless they are secrets of abuse toward others.
I’ve harmed people intentionally or unintentionally in my life.
I have to accept the ramifications of my actions, and that’s something I deal with constantly. I am constantly in a state of remembering mistakes I’ve made and things that have gone wrong. But I don’t use that as a motivator for self-pity or to gain empathy from others. I take these events and I do my best to learn from them. So that when I have the opportunity to approach someone, I can do so earnestly, using my own words, to apologize for my actions and to state how I understand the fault to have occurred that affected the other person. This is a sincere apology, and yes, that does seem overtly formal, but I explain it that way because I find that abusers do not understand this.
Will providing this information be a weapon toward them?
They can steal this information and add it to their arsenal of weapons, sure, but chances are that they will read a title like this and not explore further. They’ve been told they’re not welcome, and throughout the livestream, I meander around certain points before concluding directly toward one abusive person that is not welcome in my life at this moment. They have caused harm toward me multiple times and have done so without regard or respect for me. They have laughed at my misery and they have shown no remorse toward their actions. They have never once apologized to me despite acting in ways that demand apologizing, and yet, I have continued to forgive them because I’m a nice person.
I still am a nice person, but I’m less forgiving now.
As a pedantic example, if someone unfollows me then refollows me later, then whatever, I’ll add your name back on the list in the number you were in, because accidents happen. I track this information only because I document almost everything related to livestreaming. If you’ve harmed me in situations, then the apology must be greater than the harm given. If you break my arm, you must fix my arm and provide restoration. If these ideas don’t quite make sense, well, chances are you’re trying. Chances are you’re trying to understand the systems by which abusers can work within certain frameworks and succeed, whether they are small or large.
The last abuser I talked about was a musician I once saw live.
This person has received multiple allegations of abuse against them over the years, and it’s taken me several weeks of meditation before I arrived at my thoughts at the end of this video. Abusive celebrities can get away with their behavior using simple manipulation tricks. If they exploit people that are weak and respect people that are strong, they can go far, because they won’t be suspected. This sort of behavior won’t last, though, because you can’t systematically abuse the weak and respect the strong forever, especially in an age where the abused can speak out against their abuses live. Nothing is truly hidden anymore, and that includes abusive behavior. Mistakes happen, sure, but that’s where apologies and restorative action kicks in. You fuck up, you own up to that fuck up.
If you can’t get behind that, get out of Zeal and get out of my life.
|Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.|
|Inspirations: Dealing with life. This wasn’t exactly related to “Novel 02” but I did do some building, so I’m filing it under that.|
|Related: Essays helping build “Novel 02.” This novel is formally called “A Story About Self-Confidence: Something About Anxiety,” and is a sequel to “Novel 01,” which is part of the Sammohini Arc of “The Story.”|
|Written On: 2021 February 14 [11pm to 11:21pm]|
|Last Edited: 2021 February 14 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|