[Novel 02] Hidden Gym Apologies

My streams have been infrequent lately, so this one was like a return to form, considering I’d spent the past few streams doing art or retro content. What I enjoy about using jank blocks is that I can easily draw diagrams that either help me tell “The Story,” based on lessons I learned writing “Novel 01” to write “Novel 02” and beyond, or, talk about complex psychological topics like the poison/evil everyone has deep inside of ourselves.

Spoilers?: Minor [bleeding out poison-blocks]

I think I’m beginning to find a community of similarly-minded people.

Some people may be different or new each time, but many of the same faces are ones that dig the sort of soul-seeking content that I’ve established by writing as much as I have over the years, where I’ll analyze, or possibly over-analyze, details about myself to get to root causes of problems to fix them. Sure, not everyone likes this approach to life, and has actually been a major controversy in my mind over the past week. How can I be a person like myself while also not offending others?

It’s impossible to be universally liked.

Regardless of what the person or concept is, there’s going to be someone that doesn’t like it, and it’s not OK to completely destroy ourselves to fit their needs. We can try to reach a common ground with as many people as we can to grow as people, to become better people, and to overcome the problems in our realities, but we can’t sacrifice everything that we are for the sort of innate power-pleasure others might get from that subservience. I drew two main diagrams a few times. The first was two opposing blocks trying reach common ground, where the lines and blocks were always different, but it was always a matter asking where that line is, and what is good and comfortable.

The other was showing how it’s important to self-analyze our problems.

Let’s say we have some poison that burrows deep into our psyche, whether through childhood conditioning, trauma, or myriad other factors. This pain is valid, and should not be erased, however, I think all too often we don’t let that wound heal, so it becomes infected and destroys us unnecessarily. We might let that evil seep out into ways where we say things that are destructive toward others, and we may not even care! I think we should at least do our best to figure out these root problems so that way they don’t infect others, or, worse yet, ourselves. If we go into many different situations smelling of the same issue, why don’t we wash off those issues to live a more relaxed life?

So, these are topics I talk about on livestreams.

People have told me that they find my voice soothing, even going over topics like these, which is incredible yet interesting to me. I would imagine that I’m like a guide through the inner elements of the psyche, to dig in deep into those parts of ourselves that we don’t like, but to do so with the respect to help us bleed out that poison, bring us back out, and tend to those wounds, so that we can heal. I think something like that is wholly unique within the self-help advice columns that often tout rout memorization of random facts, all the while that poison is still seeping through to the outside. Why not let those poisons that we carry with us fid somewhere safe to rest?

I do all these with the context that I’m not a perfect person.

I am first in line to talk about problems I’ve done in my life, and although I do tend to focus on situations where others have been problematic to me, I don’t shy away from those aspects of myself that might be problematic to others. To find the non-problematic person is to find a robotic nobody, so we must decide for ourselves where that line of offense is, and how close it is that we want to approach that line or concede to certain elements that might lead to a well-balanced, compromised lifestyle. Nothing particularly wrong with that, especially when you know that there is room for improvement, but if I were to never do this, never share my vulnerabilities, and never seek for self-improvement through my own thoughts or the advice of others, then, how can I impart this feeling of empowerment through self-reflection in others?

How can others feel inspired to change if I don’t, myself, change?

When I feel well enough to bare my soul bare, it should be with the intention of showing others that they, too, can try to feel a little uncomfortable in their day to find themselves in a better condition. Maybe it’s working? I don’t think it’s all because of my own unique branding or marketing to all of the Discord servers I’m in; there are some people I don’t see around too often, and others that I see around frequently. There is no monetary value or drawback for attending or not, so people are all there voluntarily, of their own interest, or, better yet, without any feeling of needing to be there to fulfill some sort of monthly subscription obligation that was gifted to them or purchased from their own funds.

As much as I’d like to keep it that way, it will be bound to change.

My audience is growing – I passed 100 followers today – and my streams have had more people than ever. During every livestream, I try to tell people at least once that their participation is purely optional, and should be based on how they feel comfortable, so if they don’t feel comfortable saying anything – or, waiting 10 minutes for a response as I accidentally ramble on… – well, I try to remember that not everyone feels super social. That does seem to make people more social, once comfortable. So I’m excited about the future.

I even added some set designs to the map!

Quotes: None.
Sources: The Story’s Imaginarium.
Inspirations: My previous livestream.
Related: Essays helping buildNovel 02.” This novel is formally called “A Story About Self-Confidence: Something About Anxiety,” and is a sequel to “Novel 01,” which is part of the Sammohini Arc of “The Story.”
Picture: Template
Written On: 2021 February 26 [10:55pm to 11:16pm]
Last Edited: 2021 February 26 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.