There might have been the subtlest change from Chapter 9 forward. I thought I was going to be fired from my job for a reason I could not know: anonymous complaint. What was the complaint? They …didn’t know. It was broad enough of a behavioral concern, but specific enough toward me, that it was like being told I was being fired. That stress loomed over me. I dug deeper into writing. If anything could save me…
Two meetings with two supervisors later, I’m still not sure what the problem was.
I can make my guesses but even middle management isn’t quite sure, so I just stopped socializing with everyone, since that was kind of the broad concern, “this is inactionable [sic]” and “this is like a kangaroo court,” as I told the supervisor during my second meeting. Sure, I suspect the passive-aggressive person that’s always been overly pedantic with me about trivialities to be the one, but “he,” as the supervisor let slip, chooses to remain anonymous. It’s just harmful. How can I grow as an employee if I don’t even know if I was too social with someone that pretended to be social but secretly didn’t want to be social?
It’s all corporate nonsense anyways.
When you have a dream, like I do of writing more novels, short stories, essays, and other things to provide value to myself [in terms of skill acquisition, psychological evaluation, and money] and others [the first two and maybe the third], you have to be willing to say to yourself ‘OK, what if I’m fired?’ You stop concerning yourself with learning all the nuances of your job, for one, and for two you stop taking it home with you as much as you can. I’ve worked with many people that are in that same boat, but aren’t willing to commit to a change in lifestyle.
The whole thing was just bizarre.
It wasn’t even a behavioral situation that the supervisors could pinpoint as a change, like, say, don’t touch people or don’t yell at them. It was just ‘someone doesn’t like something about you.’ That’s a taste of the corporate lifestyle for ya. If you dig that, then you can maintain a decent lifestyle within that. If not, then that’s where I had forgotten until that conversation how it was like to imagine a lifestyle outside of working full time. I adopted this job as part of my ego partially because it’s comfortable to hand over some elements of your life to a company.
Yet now, I remember my long-term plan.
I want this to be my last career job. When I leave this company, I want to strike it out on my own, fully independently, and without any attachments any further to anything other than what I’ll write next. The 9-to-5 is a good lifestyle for many people, but for me, it’s comfortable enough to where if I can find something more comfortable, why not go for it? I was a contractor for the first few years of my writing. Its ups and downs trained me for the idea that the next paycheck might not be for a few months, so it would be better to store away enough savings to last, and have averaged that for many years.
Still, writing full-time would have to be more lucrative.
If I were fired, then, of course, making zero dollars at writing or doing any sort of career work, and when I’ve been unemployed, I’ve had enough time for writing, but then that sort of career depressive ennui will kick in, so that’s where it’s a gamble. I’d have to have enough of an income from writing, from say selling e/books, to make the jump more worthwhile. Until then, even if I’m fired from this job for writing this sentence, this essay, or all that I’ve written on the clock, I’ll find another job, then another, until I can “retire” from working career work and write fiction.
Being fired from one job isn’t the end of the world.
First, you have to adjust your lifestyle, so, less going out and wasteful spending. I could use a better laptop or desktop for writing at home. I have a decent enough laptop for writing on-the-go, say, for a weekend event or something. I am typically lagged after about twenty pages of a Gdoc, so it could be better, but it runs games well enough and works, so that’s the important thing.
Second, you have to develop a backup caché of money.
Third, you have to respect that cash caché. If you have enough to pay for rent for, say, six months, that doesn’t mean dipping into it for a vacation if it comes up. It means that you can’t access that money at all, unless of an emergency where you would need to borrow some emergency money. You can have a small percentage of spending money within that caché so you can, say, go out to eat or go into town, but it shouldn’t be anything excessive.
Fourth, get used to living like that.
Fifth, when I look around at all the stuff I own at home, I think of how much money I wasted in those hobbies, but I think about how I was still looking for the “me” that makes me the happiest. That “me” is when I write. I get bored watching movies and videogames are fun enough for a time. Music is nice but it’s so ubiquitous. That’s just me, though. I am willing to sacrifice things that don’t matter to me for the things that do, but it’s a matter of realizing them within yourself, and for me, that was through being laid-off from a job of three years with no notice because of a project manager’s mistake combined with my own career apathy, and I haven’t been fired or laid-off since. But still, if I were, at this time, I’d have to pick up another job.
Work toward defending against all usurps…
|Quotes:  Even professionally where one should be worried about their job, with management present, if I’m pushed into a corner over something “in-actionable,” I will state my opinions.|
|Sources: My professional experiences more than The Story’s Imaginarium or my personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: The title isn’t the most graceful, but this is how I felt while writing A Story About Self-Confidence: What’s In A Name?, a month~long story at Eville Medical in the Sammohini Arc of “The Story.”|
|Related: Other 2019 Novel writings.|
|Picture: This picture would probably get me fired from a graphic design place.|
|Written On: December 10th, 2019 [29 minutes, if I did my mental math correctly, which was from 12:09am to 12:19am, from 1:13am to 1:14am, from 2:33am to 2:35am, from 3:06am to 3:10am, from 3:35am to 3:41am, and from 3:41am to 3:47am, but if you wanna see the specifics, see the Gdoc.]|
|Last Edited: December 10th, 2019 [Edits adapting from Gdocs to WordPress; second draft.]|