[Rowing Machine] 2018: Week 38 {230.5}

“I would love it if the worst headache of my life lasted only 45 minutes. Or the best headache for that matter.[1]” Starting on Monday, I’ve been working through some terrible headaches, ranging from the left side of my head, then a little on the right, pressure all around, with some spinal and neck aches all around. Saturday night’s headache was overwhelming and nearly unbearable. It’s not that this was sudden, I just wasn’t observant enough.

This has been subtly boiling for weeks.

That anxious moment I had with my spine two weeks ago manifested itself on that Monday more directly. I’ve talked frequently about checking in on yourself to make sure you don’t burn out, and this might be the first actual indication of me pushing myself too hard for too long. I’ll need to figure out how I can slow down, though, because my natural inclination is to keep my momentum forward my goals.

How can I slow down?

I guess stop overloading each day with new things to do? Wrap up the existing tasks? Take the minute to slow down, enjoy the spot I’m in, before trying to rush onto the next one? Collect my thoughts, don’t overcommit, and don’t worry about under-delivering? Even the 500-word per day thing is only useful if the deliverable is worthwhile. If I push myself once or twice to explore an idea, that’s fine, but if the resulting work requires extensive rework to publish, was it worth that time?

That might pushing in erroneous directions.

It’s like keeping open 20+ browser tabs on your computer for months at a time. Without closing out any of them for a long enough period of time, your computer won’t know what to do with them all. Minorly, the browser might just reload the video you were midway through. Majorly, the browser might hog up too many resources or crash. Moving away from the technology analogy, overexertion can manifest similarly as benign fatigue all the way up to soul-crushing headaches.

It’s just a matter of deciding how to address that stress.

After I finish exploring this topic through this essay, I’ll rest up some more, take the photo, and head out. My schedule is booked for the next few days, but I will need to remember to give myself respite moments, minutes, and maybe even more throughout the next few days. I’m not rowing as much for the next few days.

Hopefully, all of this should clear up the flare-ups.

These tension headaches have become increasingly worse. I’ll state this directly, so stop reading if you don’t want to read anything too personal.

Final warning.

Saturday night, I was masturbating before going to sleep and encountered my second, perhaps, sexual headache. The first was earlier this week and was a mild headache, like having an ice cream headache, but this one was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even orgasm.

Naproxen wouldn’t help.

Icepacks wouldn’t help.

It’s not a good feeling knowing your greatest feeling is temporarily unattainable.

Quotes: [1] IDKFA, fellow headache sufferer.
Sources: My fitness and health experiences.
Inspirations: I had queued up an essay I wrote comparing fitness with programming. You can’t accidentally learn to program, just like you can’t accidentally learn to become healthy, but this was more urgent for me to write about to express.
Related: Past weekly column entries. No weight gain!
Picture: Eventual column picture overlay.
Written On: September 16th [30 minutes]
Last Edited: September 18th [0 minutes]
My big goal is to write. My important goal is to write "The Story." My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame a fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. Let's strive to be better everyday. (Avatar)