[Rowing Machine] 2019: Week 17 {234.0} “Calming Consciousness’s Chattering”

My mind constantly chatters. I’ve developed a tolerance for ignoring the negatives – and when the negatives scream out me, I’ll sit quietly, listen to it empathetically as that bratty side of my mind screams about not being able to get ice cream, until it tires and we can find a compromise on maybe some icy treat later on – but even without the negativity there’s still there’s a constant monologue of ideas. Except when I exercise.

I’ve been able to find a cheap gym.

The hours aren’t great and I’m not able to row more than once a day, but it’s an effective stopgap until I find a water rower that will be suitable for my apartment dwellings, and even beyond that. If I’m able to rent another house, later on, I’ll keep the Model B for the complete fitness package, and row on the water rower [if it proves to not exceed the level of build quality and resistance of the Model B] if I want a quieter experience.

Let me explore my mind here:

I love the Model B and rowing in general because during each set I am fighting up against myself. I am challenging myself to push myself to the best of my ability. I’ll know for myself whether or not I did my best or not. There is no external judge rating me on a 5-point scale based on subjective factors. I myself know if my form was weak during a certain section. I will know if the drop in pace was because I was getting lazy or whether my energy just completely stopped and I was pushing ahead until my next wind picked me up through the remainder of the set.

When I row, my mind and all of its sub-minds all focus on rowing.

There is no chatter about this or that for most of the set. Usually, at the beginning of the set, my mind will still call out this or that, but as I approach the 2-minute mark of a 10-minute set, my mind will empty. I don’t usually know that feeling. It’s weird and wonderful. To enter a state where I just am is wonderful. Usually, toward the end of my set, an idea will pop up. It’s like all these ideas vyed through the noise and the sweat and the strongest and most positive idea won.

Rowing is my active meditation and I love it.

I can repair the damage of the mind that has experienced so much anxiety from others when I row, and I can repair the damage done to my body through overeating and lack of other care when I row. I was in a hurry yesterday and rather than take the elevator, I skipped up three flights of stairs. It felt natural and wonderful. Even when I tripped, my hand stopped hurting.

Rowing repairs so much.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 234.0 pounds
Last week’s weight: 234.5 pounds
Difference: I didn’t drink enough water yesterday and I only rowed twice, but I feel like I’ll be making more progress by next week.
Inspirations: I once met someone who told me that his brother was schizophrenic, a “ward of the state?” as I asked, that exercised all day. He told me that if that helps his brother stay well then he’s happy for him. I can really start to see that, since I hadn’t exercised in a few months I suppose, and all that chatter dissipated. I imagine his brother’s chatter is more of a constant screaming than my mild conversations.
Related: Past weekly column entries.
Pictures: The two rowing monitors on the Model E and Model D have a PM 4 [left] and PM 2 [right] “performance monitor” and these were my two sets.
Written On: April 21st [30 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft; final draft for the Internet.
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.