[Rowing Machine] 2019: Week 20 {238.5} “Trapped Not Rowing”

I have two ways of expressing my stress in positive ways: writing to deal with the subconscious feelings that weigh me down and rowing to deal with the physical sensations that weigh me down. Writing only helps so much. There is something amazing that happens during the rowing process where my mind clears, my empathy resets, and I am awoken to a profound sense of wonder and curiosity about the world. I am otherwise curmudgeonly.

I should learn more stress-reduction techniques.

Other than the best method of not receiving the stress in the first place, once the stressful event is slammed into my mind – someone being upset over something, someone not acting in the way they promised, or something causing something negative to happen – it’s hard to expel that thought out. For trivial things like everything mentioned above, between writing to mentally process and rowing to physically reset the stress hormones in my mind, there’s also meditating. Whether that’s sitting quietly and focusing on one’s breathing or even doing something else to distract one’s self from the stresses of life (reddit: a form of meditation?), if I try to write or row too quickly after the event I’m not able to process it well enough to discard it.

Holding onto such stressors, for me, probably cause my weight gain.

If I’m stressed out over things in life, I’m not often willing to spend the time to drive to and from the gym, to risk dealing with people, and especially when my time should be prioritized on writing or other projects, I just don’t think I can break away to take a mental break like that. I only rowed once last week. I had just published a big essay and the only actual comment was someone that said that surely I should have known someone I didn’t. I had already planned on going to the gym after I published the essay, but when the only response was someone acting incredulously, I was more apt to expel myself from the stress. Between the drive to the gym, finding a place to write, and the rowing itself, I returned home feeling better.

It’s just too bad I can’t row more often.

The photographed rower is a nice piece of engineering. It’s just too loud. The more objects I downsize, the more room I have for an optimal rowing spot, and within a few months, I plan on purchasing a quieter water rower so I can return to rowing once or twice a day. Until then, it’s a fight daily to build up the motivation to go row. This is probably why more people don’t go to gyms. This might be why obesity is such a problem in the United States and why we are so unhealthy: It’s too difficult to get to the end-goal of feeling better through exercise. Rowing, for me, is a private meditation rather than an activity done while expressing extroversion in public.

Another week without proper exercise: weight gain.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 238.5 pounds
Last week’s weight: 237.0 pounds
Difference: Yeah.
Inspirations: Yesterday, I debated whether I even wanted to get on the scale. I’m more overweight than I’ve been in a long time, so I’m feeling terrible, and not confident, but this is all part of the journey.
Related: Past weekly column entries.
Photo: I was going to use this shot of boxes on one side of the rower and my TV, still in shrinkwrap, on the other, for another essay. But it works here.
Written On: May 14th [30 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft; final draft for the Internet.
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.