[Rowing Machine] 2019: Week 21 {238.5} “Change Controllable Variables”

I have many excuses that impede my ability to row. Some are excusable; most are not. An acceptable excuse is “I don’t have the time to row before going somewhere with a short timeframe.” “Not feeling like it” is not. Even on days when I have had abundant time, I have not been consistently going to the gym, so even though I enjoy rowing, I shouldn’t berate myself for not going. What can I control?

I’m counting the calories I eat for the first time in years.

The first time I did this was when I was exercising and dieting well enough to burn off 60 pounds in 6 months. I’ve found that when I exercise frequently and make sure I don’t consume foods dense with calories, I lose weight quickly. My problem is that if I’m not “full” at all times, especially when I’m not exercising frequently, I feel such an overwhelming sickness like a quantifiable sensation that thoroughly infects my mind that I just can’t function.

I could probably break this cycle with intermittent fasting.

Not pushing myself so much mentally could also help. I’m writing this on Sunday afternoon, with just a few more hours left before I should wrap things up for the day, so I can get a fresh start tomorrow for my first day of work in too long. This might not happen. I might go to sleep too late in the day. I might not be able to thoroughly dispense the anxiety I have pent up inside myself, which I can feel even right now.

Yet I am exhausted at the same time.

My natural tendency in these situations is grabbing something to eat. I’ve forgone drinking water in many of these mindsets, which I think has been a major component of why I’ve put on more weight.

That’s where having a record of what I’m doing helps me out.

When I look at my food journal, which I’ll post next week, I can look at the numbers and ask myself: “Am I really hungry right now? Or do I feel thirsty? Tired? Stressed?” More often than not, I am not actually hungry. I may have last eaten a few hours ago, and when I deplete a significant amount of caloric energy in my body through exercise, I don’t immediately feel hungry. That “hunger” I feel might actually be “mild anxiety.”

I have many plans on the docket for today.

There are a number of things I’d like to do, but have not yet done. Overdue projects from weeks back, many essays to edit and publish here, and numerous other things that I would have liked to have done. I think what I really need to do is relax, do a little bit of work in the later afternoon, then head to sleep before the late evening. All of those factors will probably help me destress, in lieu of a day where I couldn’t row even if I wanted…

The gym is closed on Sundays.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 238.5
Last week’s weight: 238.5
Difference: Same.
Inspirations: I thought I had weighed less last week. Even 237.0 is overweight for me. When I looked at all that, I knew I had to do something, and that something: count calories. I made a private Trello board to track this. I might do something more streamlined but this is a method I know and can rely on for now, so it’s not terrible.
Related: Past weekly column entries.
Photo: My buried rower. Censored are ads for things.
Written On: May 19th [30 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft, final draft for the Internet.
My big goal is to write. My important goal is to write "The Story." My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame a fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. Let's strive to be better everyday. (Avatar)