[Rowing Machine] 2019: Week 21 {238.5} “Change Controllable Variables”

I have many excuses that impede my ability to row. Some are excusable; most are not. An acceptable excuse is “I don’t have the time to row before going somewhere with a short timeframe.” “Not feeling like it” is not. Even on days when I have had abundant time, I have not been consistently going to the gym, so even though I enjoy rowing, I shouldn’t berate myself for not going. What can I control?

I’m counting the calories I eat for the first time in years.

The first time I did this was when I was exercising and dieting well enough to burn off 60 pounds in 6 months. I’ve found that when I exercise frequently and make sure I don’t consume foods dense with calories, I lose weight quickly. My problem is that if I’m not “full” at all times, especially when I’m not exercising frequently, I feel such an overwhelming sickness like a quantifiable sensation that thoroughly infects my mind that I just can’t function.

I could probably break this cycle with intermittent fasting.

Not pushing myself so much mentally could also help. I’m writing this on Sunday afternoon, with just a few more hours left before I should wrap things up for the day, so I can get a fresh start tomorrow for my first day of work in too long. This might not happen. I might go to sleep too late in the day. I might not be able to thoroughly dispense the anxiety I have pent up inside myself, which I can feel even right now.

Yet I am exhausted at the same time.

My natural tendency in these situations is grabbing something to eat. I’ve forgone drinking water in many of these mindsets, which I think has been a major component of why I’ve put on more weight.

That’s where having a record of what I’m doing helps me out.

When I look at my food journal, which I’ll post next week, I can look at the numbers and ask myself: “Am I really hungry right now? Or do I feel thirsty? Tired? Stressed?” More often than not, I am not actually hungry. I may have last eaten a few hours ago, and when I deplete a significant amount of caloric energy in my body through exercise, I don’t immediately feel hungry. That “hunger” I feel might actually be “mild anxiety.”

I have many plans on the docket for today.

There are a number of things I’d like to do, but have not yet done. Overdue projects from weeks back, many essays to edit and publish here, and numerous other things that I would have liked to have done. I think what I really need to do is relax, do a little bit of work in the later afternoon, then head to sleep before the late evening. All of those factors will probably help me destress, in lieu of a day where I couldn’t row even if I wanted…

The gym is closed on Sundays.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 238.5
Last week’s weight: 238.5
Difference: Same.
Inspirations: I thought I had weighed less last week. Even 237.0 is overweight for me. When I looked at all that, I knew I had to do something, and that something: count calories. I made a private Trello board to track this. I might do something more streamlined but this is a method I know and can rely on for now, so it’s not terrible.
Related: Past weekly column entries.
Photo: My buried rower. Censored are ads for things.
Written On: May 19th [30 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft, final draft for the Internet.
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.