[Rowing Machine] 2020: Week 07 {219.5} “Three Good Sets…”

I got in three good sets while my health was good before my headaches started to return with calm vengeance. It wasn’t enough of a return to be concerning, and I still have another few days before I see Neurologist-Number-Two/Doctor-Number-Eight or -Nine, if my symptoms continue to worsen at the pace they were before. I still feel sick and tired, but at least I’m somewhat more mobile than I was before my emergency room trip

Still, four more days until I get some answers.

The brain scan was clear. [I have no brain.] So the concern is probably mild, but whatever is causing my headaches is also affecting other areas of my health as well. I’m getting more nauseous than normal. That’s probably my body’s reaction to the situation, telling me to slow down. I’m trying as best I can. It’s hard, though, especially when my neck and spine hurt as much as they do.

Will I ever be back to normal again?

I’ve pushed myself far further than I ever have over these past three weeks. That I’ve retained this much of myself is a testament to our true inner strengths. When we row, we learn that we should stop as soon as we get those sharp, throbbing pains, but otherwise, if it’s just a dull sensation that we can usually just keep on going, with careful monitoring. We may need to ice it later, but at least as I was taught, it won’t hurt too bad.

So I got in three good sets until the sharp pains returned.

I’m not sure if rowing exacerbated whatever is wrong with my body. It’s possible, and although I doubt it because of how little effort I applied to my back, there’s still a chance it could have been a factor. We’ll see. Meanwhile, I just sit and wade out the pain until I get a short-term and long-term solution. I would take some of the new medicine I received instead of the Ondansetron, but I haven’t tried it yet and I don’t want to get knocked out at work.

At least now that I’m almost outta here in a few hours.

If there’s one thing this headache has done to improve my work quality of life, it’s having a forced separation of empathy from people that express their rudeness abruptly. When someone says it’s urgent, when someone doesn’t communicate at a pace where we can speak clearly with each other, before I used to let that bother me. Now it’s just face-value. Let me get the information I need and everything else doesn’t matter.

I don’t have the energy to concern myself over the bullshit of other people’s problems.

Sure, that’s making me a bit shorter and less empathetic with people, but I think there’s a certain amount of shielding we need in order to operate in this world. I’m growing out some headache sideburns, where I’m just shaving around my mouth and underneath my neck, as a testament to how long these problems have been going on. Once all the headaches are done, I’ll decide whether I want to leave the quickly-approaching Wolverine-style mutton chops, or, go back to clean-shaven for a while.

I miss rowing.

The past month or so, I haven’t been able to write about my experiences on the rower. Over my past fifteen minutes rowing light 5-minute sets, I was reminded of what I like about rowing. Rowing gives you a chance to filter through the noisiest distractions in life. You can’t do anything other than row, so you can’t write down your thoughts. You either have to remember them after you’re done, or process through them so you can forget them or internalize them for later reuse.

Rowing is active meditation and has helped me reveal many aspects of myself.

I’ve rowed my way through many mental dilemmas of the soul and is second only to going into float tanks in terms of having a space and a mindset where I can declutter my mental state. When I’m rowing, I can choose to confront the elements of my past that might give me anxiety in my present or future. I got little glimpses of that when I put in my three best sets in months. They weren’t impressive from an outsider’s perspective, but for me, they represented everything I could give to the rower, and what I got was nearly back into my pre-headache rowing routine.

I won’t know for a while if I can row again.

Since there was no major issues on the brain scan, and since I can overall be cognizant, even though I feel ill overall, I’m sure it’s just a minor thing. Whether it’s a chemical imbalance or a muscle issue or a spinal issue or something I do not know, I’m sure there’s a way to solve it. I still have a few more days where I can try to do research of my own.

It’s rough because I’m not getting a whole lot of sleep to help my body recuperate.

I’m sure having a few 8-hour rests over the course of the next few days would help significantly, but at most, I might get about 7 hours of uninterrupted rest, otherwise, it’s closer to maybe 4 before I get woken up by something, then another 4 before I need to wake up. I haven’t really needed to use my alarm clock since mid-November.

Before then, I had great sleep during the day.

Now? I barely feel tired enough to go to sleep. I’m fatigued but not exhausted. So I’ll lay awake in bed. I’ll wake up early. I won’t be able to get back to sleep. My body isn’t being its own best advocate for returning to better health right now, so there must be something majorly wrong, but in terms of what that is, or how to solve it, I don’t know. The most I can do is just work around it for now.

No more rowing for a while…

Endtable:
Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 219.5
Last week’s weight: 222.5
Difference: I’m feeling more disciplined again. Since I publish these on usually the Saturday before this essay publishes, I have newer health information than the essays I wrote that publish a few weeks or a month later. Things are on the mend and soon I should be back to rowing.
Inspirations: I had been saving the rowing essays for closer to when I was going to publish them, but then the chronology gets weird when I talk about things that are going on with my health. So I just wrote about my frustrations over my health.
Related: Past weekly column entries.
Picture: If I don’t have the energy to make a good picture, I don’t have the energy to row.
Written On: 2020 January 19 [19 minutes. 3:17am to 3:36am. Gdocs.]
Last Edited: 2020 January 19 [Possible edits adapting from Gdocs to WordPress. Would this be the second draft, then?]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.