[Rowing Machine] 2020: Week 09 {219.0} “I Can’t Exercise!”

I’m not sure why I didn’t get a stronger reaction when I told the nurse and doctor that I couldn’t exercise because of my headaches. The most plausible reasons are that the nurse was going too fast and Doctor-Number-Nine didn’t know me. Even Neurologist-Number-Two/Doctor-Number-Eight was perplexed. I imagine once the headaches decrease from constantly and daily to mere memories, then I’ll be more likely to be able to exercise without getting any sort of headache.

If it’s high blood pressure, I’m taking medication for that.

I haven’t tried experimenting with exercise, even though this particular medication hasn’t done much for me. I’ve been taking some other anti-inflammatory medication that, at least one dose and one day in, has been helpful. The pressure inside my head hasn’t completely deflated yet, but I’ve felt a substantial enough of a decrease where I’ve felt motivated to write more than just aggressive essays for one, and for two, felt motivated enough to do more than just sit around and do nothing.

I imagine I’ll be exercising again before this essay’s publication.

Yet because of how my publication schedule works, I’ll write more than three weeks ahead of deadlines, so you’re reading my past in a weird sort of time traveling toxicity that makes for curious exploration. My rower is directly behind my monitor. It stands as a silent monolith of a past glorified and a future uncertain. Will I ever be able to row a 30-minute set without worrying about my head again? I have more tools to help aid in my recovery post-headache now. Before, I’d just have to wallow in pain. Now, I have medications that are effective for me and ineffective for me that can help me bounce back and return to my life, unhindered.

By this essay’s publication, we should have many things figured out.

I’ll have had my brain MRI, which will help Neurologist-Number-Two/Doctor-Number-Eight determine his plan of action. I’ll have had this anti-inflammatory flowing through my system along with the high blood pressure medication to fix whatever’s broken the worst inside me. I’ll have studied more about blood pressure, with a new blood pressure monitor near my feet, and a book Heal Your Headache by David Buchholz, M.D. to read when I can focus for more than a few minutes without getting distracted by headaches of various sorts, inflictions, and strengths.

I’ll have gone to a sleep specialist and physical therapies.

When the rowing machine’s monitor is alive, it has a warm crayon blue that invites the senses and offends the eyes. When it’s off, like it is now, it almost blends into the background. I have a forlorn sense of regret seeing it. I want to row but I cannot. It is not out of some sense of laze that we often find ourselves in. I physically am unable and incapable of exercising to any degree, moving my body around, or doing anything other than sit, stand, and lay down without exacerbating whatever is causing these mindbender headaches. I love rowing. I love getting out there, moving around a little, and exploring this reality of ours.

I cannot do that right now.

It physically hurts me to do anything more than what I’ve listed above. Were I able to express that more plainly to any of these nurses or doctors, would I receive different treatment? Let’s imagine worst-case scenarios, where the brain scan is clear, the medications are only somewhat effective, and Neurologist-Number-Two/Doctor-Number-Eight calls it a day. Let’s also say -Ten, the sleep doctor, gives me the all-clear. Yet let’s say that I still get debilitating headaches even with 5-minute sets. The first set is always fine, but usually, within the first few days or first week, I’ll notice the headaches creep back in.

I’m sure there are more doctors out there…

I could even ask a Witch Doctor to investigate any curses or hexes that might be placed on my psyche or whatever. You can peer into my future to see what I’m currently doing with my health here, whereas now, when I write this while trying to recover my head from these aches, I just look with some sadness over being unable to row. What will my future hold? You may know more than I do, based on your reading of this in my future. Through that link, you might perceive a reality I cannot imagine. What if they found the fix, applied it, and I started rowing again?

Wouldn’t that be fantastic?

I lament the days and weeks I wasted to these headaches, but this has also been a necessary time for me to discover what works and what doesn’t. When I’m back into good health, and when not if because I have hope again that I will be healthy, if I get even the slightest tingling of a headache, I’ll know how to address it. Eye strain? Close my eyes and keep typing until the pangs and light sensitivity decrease.

The rest, well, I haven’t figured out yet.

If I needed to point to something, it might be a spinal thing. The spine X-rays showed degenerated discs. The extent of which I don’t know. Will it require surgery? More patience from a rowing perspective? I hope I can still row, and not just because I bought a new-in-box rower this past year, but because it’s been a great physical and mental destresser tool for me over the years, and I don’t want to give that up just because my body physically can’t handle it.

I want to adapt and overcome this challenge.

It’s just too bad we haven’t been able to solve these headaches of mine. It seems, if anything, to be something at least sufficiently uncommon because it’s not like any doctor would willingly ignore a patient that says they can’t exercise.

Every doctor implied I needed to exercise more. I agree.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 219.0
Last week’s weight: 218.5
Difference: I thought I’d be losing weight by now that I’m eating fewer sandwiches and more fruits and vegetables, and haven’t had a headache for, well, since the 12th, but I guess along with calories there’s also the overall volume of food to be concerned with when losing weight.
Inspirations: Writing about some potent emotions.
Related: Past weekly column entries and the “Tripping On [The American Healthcare System]” series.
Picture: A template would have been easier. But it just felt right since I had such a potent visual. To the left of the Week_09 is the rower. I used the ROW title to cover up the URL of my website’s editor.
Written On: 2020 January 28 [39 minutes, from 11:05pm to 11:44pm, listening to Meteora.]
Last Edited: 2020 January 28 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.