I’m in a conundrum. My physicality has been so negatively afflicted by stress that my body cannot move in certain positions without hurting. I can’t do many of the stretches I could months ago. The physical therapy I’ve been prescribed is helping with my flexibility, which is helping, but it’s also hurting. One hour of stretches with a trained physical therapist can lead to days of immobility and pain. What to do, what to do…
I have my next appointment in two days.
Before that, I’ll schedule another remote appointment with my doctor to tell him that the Methocarbamol has not been helpful for relaxing my muscles as was advertised. I’ll schedule an essay tonight that goes into detail. The outcome I’d like from that meeting would be another medication that will allow me to do my exercises as prescribed by the physical therapist and performed under his guidance without having days of pain where I don’t feel motivated to do anything – even write.
That’s not a life I’d wish on anyone except my enemies.
My enemies and those daring few can experience this pain of waking up to overwhelming back pain where it takes me about one hour to summon the motivation to get out of bed. There’s no way I can muster up the courage to do anything but sit here as comfortably as I can get and do whatever I can to take my mind off the totality of the situation. I suppose it’s better than before when the pain was localized to my upper back, which caused mindbender headaches, because then I could at least do some stuff. I feel limited in my ability to get around. I’ve been gaining new empathy for people with disabilities and physical impairments. Now that I’m understanding the spoon theory from a first-person perspective, well, I can’t complain about underperforming while I row in the future.
I haven’t rowed in close to a month now… if not more?
I would like to get back on there even just to sit, but then my inclination would be to go back and forth, and although I can walk around, walk up and down any stairs, and do most anything, it’s not the smartest idea for me to overexert myself. I’m not sure what to do then. Is there any medication that will help? I’m stuck in this sort of limited mobility situation where the best cure is to get my muscles firing again, but I can only do that when I feel well enough to do the stretches I need to do.
At least I feel well enough to write.
My thoughts are a little scattered right now since the Methocarbamol does temporarily scramble things for me a little bit, not quite like getting drunk or anything, but more like a mild numbness that goes away after one or two hours. I’m right in the middle of that feeling now and other than just some mild numbness there isn’t much difference. My back’s been feeling alright today but I haven’t done any exercises or major movements since, well, four days.
Will it be four days of rest for one hour of stretches?
I wasn’t as fatigued on my first day in on a Monday in May as I was two days later. I did move a little further in some areas but I tired out more quickly. It’s not a good feeling to be in, regardless of whether I can look over my monitor to see my rower collecting dust. In my head, I have more physical ability than I do now. I don’t look down on myself. I just want to do whatever I can to regain my physicality. That route is currently littered with pain and agony. I also won’t be able to return back to work at all in this condition for months.
How could I work when it takes me one hour to push through legitimate pain to use the restroom?
I do have about two more weeks to get things fixed up well enough, but I wonder and fear if it might take longer. I can’t do much now other than sit here, which would be great for my writing schedule except my internal motivation is all gearing itself toward rewarding myself for enduring pain rather than writing anything at all. All I want to do right now is veg out and not just because of the medication that’s not even really helping my back at all. No, all it’s doing is making my mind numb, rather than making the pain in my back numb enough to motivate me to want to do any stretches.
Nothing much I can do now other than just wait for my mind to tire enough to go to sleep.
I thought about writing more and doing more, but I don’t feel particularly interested in doing anything right now. If there’s any recommendation I can give to you, it’s take care of your body. Stretch as much as you can within reason. Rowing exercises most of your muscles but it doesn’t stretch your muscles. Your lower back can become as pained as mine within a month if you’re not careful. When I get things healed up, I should try yoga, even if it is just learning to do one stretch at a time, because between that and the stretches/exercises I’m learning in PT, that should help prevent issues like this from happening in the future.
If I had this month off, I’d prefer not to be in pain, right?
Still, I can make the most of it by catching up on things I’ve been interested in trying and backlogged items as I have the energy to complete. Otherwise, when I don’t feel like it, then I don’t write as much. I guess I should consider it acceptable since I’m overall writing significantly more on a daily basis than I have in previous years.
If only I wasn’t so negligent in my health…
|Sources: My fitness experiences.
– This week’s weight: 205.5
– Last week’s weight: 205.5
– Difference: No difference in weight. I’ve been trying to eat more to regain energy but it’s been tough. I haven’t felt too hungry, overall.
|Inspirations: Just writing about my feelings.|
|Related: Past weekly column entries.|
|Picture: The template is fine.|
|Written On: 2020 May 09 [7:50pm to 8:15pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 May 09 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|