I keep remembering back to what the physical therapist and the pain specialist told me about getting out and exercising daily. The problem with that is I’ll wake up feeling well enough to slowly walk around a grocery store to get food, go, then I’ll be sore for hours later. This isn’t normal and I don’t feel right. There’s not much I can do to recover from this condition until I see my doctor again.
I made it to the granola section before I started to ache.
By the time I made it home, put away my de-sanitized groceries, bathed, and sat down at my computer, my hands were shaking from my nerves being completely shot. My muscles were beyond their use case and all I had done was the following: throw out my trash, drive to the store, walk to the store, go to the following aisles – clothing, electronics, videogames, music, toys, energy drinks, nuts, aforementioned granola, and from here it becomes a bit of a blur, but I had my list and got almost everything, except for bleach, which even in June 2020 when I’m writing this essay, is still sold out of a major retailer?
A case could be said that I am being too sedentary at home.
However, I am not doing much more than just resting and recuperating as much as I can at home. I am doing as much as I can to address the physicality of whatever is going on, while writing nearly a page of hypothetical questions for what could be going on. I wrote a note about going to the grocery store. I guess my trepidation has lessened today because this represents my most earnest attempt at resting for as long as possible, doing everything I possibly could, and walking around as slowly as I could with as little expended effort as possible.
If this were an experiment, I wouldn’t want to sabotage our theories of recovery.
My hands stopped shaking about one or two hours after I sat down and let my body recover. My spine recovered after about six hours. It’s only been within the past six hours – nearly nine hours – later that I’ve felt interested enough to want to write much of anything at all. I’m worried how I’ll feel tomorrow. Will my recovery slip to nearly a week ago where I couldn’t do much of anything? Or will I luck out and will my spine be happy enough with how things are going, the progress I’ve made toward treating it better, and behave?
If so, I’d like to run some additional errands.
It’s been an uphill battle that, at most, feels like a Pyrrhic victory. On the one hand, it might have been nice to ride the sensations from earlier today where I was in next-to-no pain, or such an insubstantial amount that I was able to actually focus, whereas now a majority of my effort is split between the pain in my side, my lower back, my upper back, and my attempts at writing something halfway coherent.
I might have to turn in early again tonight, like I did yesterday.
If so, and if that is my formula to recover my stamina, well, I’m not sure what else I can do, because I seem to be fighting this battle by myself. I wrote that on my note and highlighted it. The more I review the note, while it is nice to have everything listed chaotically, it might be good to have some order to it, since it might represent some major directions in my future.
I don’t have the energy for it tonight, however, unfortunately.
Let’s say that I need to take more walks like this more often. With my current medication regimen, that is not possible. I hurt too much based on the medication I take. Maybe, at first, they helped, but now, I can say they do next to nothing, as those time frames above indicate. I am still in enough pain right now, and I haven’t taken the Hydrocodone more as a sticking point, where I am just feeling miserable.
I don’t want to go out for a walk tomorrow.
I don’t want to do much of anything now, and I don’t want to make plans for tomorrow. I know this sort of feeling. It’s a situational depression based on this physicality, so that’s why I’m trying to say that if I’m feeling up to it, I’ll walk those errands, and if not, then it’s not a big deal. I got some new energy drinks today because there are some new flavors I haven’t tried before, some ones I like, and maybe those will help. All the other medications I’ve tried sure haven’t helped yet, so why not give energy drinks a try?
I do feel miserable now.
Just earlier in the bathroom, I was overwhelmed with pain after I was finished there, had washed my hands, and was standing there to dry my hands. I stood there and let the pain wash over me. That can, sometimes, take minutes. This shouldn’t be normal, however, this is what I have to do each day. My muscles feel like they’re burning by standing around, which is probably true because they are working significantly harder by standing around compared to sitting, but there’s some kind of problem that’s causing them to inflame so quickly and so irrationally.
I don’t know what, but I’d like to get it fixed.
I don’t think burning out my muscles even further will be the answer, but I will do what I can to fulfill as much of the advice given to me by the physical therapist and the pain specialist. Both had recommended that I take walks as often as I could, and I have, and so I did. I feel so tired. I want this pain to subside enough for me to concentrate on other topics.
I have so much more I’d rather write about than being in pain.
|Sources: My fitness experiences.
– This week’s weight: 203.0
– Last week’s weight: 205.0
– Difference: Two pounds down. I’m not concerned with weight at this time. My health is in such poor shape right now that I’m struggling to keep my head above water, figuratively speaking, to where I don’t mind if I put on some weight at this point.
|Inspirations: I guess I was in so much pain that when I wrote this essay back in late-June I didn’t have the energy to write about my inspirations, so now that it’s in mid-August, I’m here filling in the blanks, and I’m still in a good amount of pain, and yeah, walking around still hurts.|
|Related: Past weekly column entries. Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.|
|Written On: 2020 June 28 [9:17pm to 9:58pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 June 28 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|