Yesterday, I went to the thrift store and the supermarket. I had the physicality to push a shopping cart and walk around slowly as I looked at various items. Today, I woke up to a headache with lower back pain, including my tailbone. Was the adventure worth the pain I experienced there, and would I do it again? I suppose in some sense, it was good to see where my physicality is at right now.
I went to the thrift store to donate and to purchase some folders.
I felt a few aches as I went, but nothing too bad, to the point where I had decided that I wanted to go to the supermarket to buy the 20th-anniversary edition of Hybrid Theory. This was sort of like a materialistic reward for all the recent efforts I’ve done lately to try to get better and endure all the pain I have without dipping into my painkillers. I suppose I just should have been more careful about it, because, by the time I had made a lap of looking at music, toys, getting some groceries, and got to the Halloween cards, I was already feeling exhausted. My list of thrift/supermarket items is not listed by category, so when I realized I forgot coffee filters – not essential now, but why not stock up now rather than wait until I’m out? – I was too tired to go back.
Last night wasn’t too bad, but this morning was awful.
The headache was behind my left eye and knocked me out through most of the day. I slept in basically until 4pm and in the five hours since then, I haven’t been entirely productive from a writing perspective, but I suppose that’s the thing about life. We aren’t productivity machines. I did feel well enough about three hours ago that when we discussed having a second book for the bookclub Discord server I’m in, House of Leaves came up, and I remembered the copy that I received from friend-of-the-website NamedGhost before he moved away. I checked my list of books, found that my copy was readily accessible on the top of my book box pile, picked up that box, and brought it into the kitchen. I picked out House of Leaves then checked what books I wanted to keep and which ones I was OK with donating.
I now have a box half-full of books ready to donate and House of Leaves ready.
I’m not sure if I’ll read it for the bookclub or not, since I’m reading Bullshit Jobs for the bookclub and started reading Gulliver’s Travels after dropping Man’s Search For Meaning, but it’s here for me to read. That lengthy aside does show that some of my physicality is back from before my spine issues popped up in April 2020, even if I’m not out of the woods yet. Going to two stores wouldn’t have been a problem for me in March, nor does it seem like much, but if that’s my current condition, then I need to work within it and respect it more. I pushed myself too much. I was too ambitious and I’m paying the price now.
I don’t think moving that box or those books will impact me now or tomorrow.
I’m running an errand tomorrow so I couldn’t take the painkiller today even if I needed to, so I’m glad that sleeping through most of the day, and being leisurely with the rest of my day got me back into mostly a good physicality. It didn’t dip too low for me. Before I went, I’d been physically sedentary for the better part of a few days, so I had almost built up a sort of physical health where I felt stronger than I was. I think that’s why going to the supermarket wiped me out the way it did. Today and in the past few days before yesterday, the most I did for burning calories was moving that box or walking around the apartment-mansion. Yesterday, I walked around two stores. There’s a big difference in effort, even if I still have my pre-spine-issue mentality that going to the store should be inconsequential.
As for my reward, well, it’s not in fantastic shape.
The second disc, a B-sides and demos collection, had a prominent scratch on it. When I drive tomorrow, I’ll see if the disc is scratched enough to not play. Although I can listen to it online, I had wanted to get back at least a little bit into listening to CDs; otherwise, what’s the point of owning many boxes filled with CDs? If that second disc is unplayable, I can return or exchange it without issue, but that sullies both the reward and the experience, doesn’t it? For me to feel like the disc I got – and the problem is that this CD packaging is paper-thin with no disc protector, so I think the scratch happened while in shipping – was not worthwhile, even if I exchange it, means that the trip I had yesterday wasn’t worth the pain I experienced today… right?
The item itself is never experiential, so that doesn’t matter.
I can go back to the supermarket on another day I feel well enough to go if that disc is unplayable and ask for an exchange. That’s not a big deal. What’s a bigger deal to me is knowing that at least for the next few weeks, I will need to limit myself to walking around one store. I couldn’t go to a store inside the mall, even with COVID-19 in mind, and I can’t work for eight hours a day yet. It’s been nice that I haven’t been wiped out too much each day for the midday naps I used to take. Those happen now only about once a week if that. The healing process is taking more time, but it’s getting there. I just have to remember to be patient with myself.
Getting better shouldn’t be a rush; it’ll happen soon enough.
|Sources: My fitness experiences.
– This week’s weight: 220.0
– Last week’s weight: 221.0
– Weight Difference: I started out the morning at 225.5. After I peed, I went down to 223.0, but after I defecated, I went down to 220.0 pounds.
– Difference between writing and editing for publication: This was the last time I was able to go to the store by myself. My health took a turn for the worse because of two physical examinations with two doctors. It’s late November when I’m writing this now and I have to wait over a week before I meet with a new spine doctor to go over my MRI results and determine how I can get back into acceptable shape.
|Inspirations: Writing about my life as a way to talk about my physicality.|
|Related: Past weekly column entries. Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.|
|Written On: 2020 October 14 [9:27pm to 10:01pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 October 14 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|