[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 20 {225.0} “Skin And Bones”

“no no, eat
you’re skin and bones
you need your strength![1]” As of this writing, it’s been two weeks since my two spine injections and I’m feeling almost normal. I was well enough to stream today, but, I overexerted myself in the excitement of drawing and streaming. Throughout the past few months, I’ve found myself being nearly skin and bones. I had first noticed it when a doctor pointed it out some months ago, though.

I forget which doctor.

I think it was the neurologist that didn’t do much of anything. Or maybe it was the spine doctor that didn’t do much of anything, either, until I recorded him. It might have been the spine doctor before that, no it wasn’t that one, so it was probably the neurologist. When a doctor had told that to me, they looked at me and they were surprised by how thin my arms were, as I recall, but they made no special comment outside of that. It’s something that, unfortunately, doesn’t mean much other than that someone had once attempted to make an effort to help me and then retracted that help.

I ate probably 4000+ calories today and I’m still hungry.

I’ve been using the #food-spam channel of Zdiscord to track large meals lately, mainly to generate content for that and other Discords, but also, to show respect toward larger and more intricate meals. It’s been a good way for me to track what food I’ve been eating, photograph them, and write about them at length. They get more traction if I post them elsewhere, but sometimes my friends in Zdiscord will comment or enjoy the photos, so if I can bring joy to people in that way, then it’s a good thing.

It will still be a while before I feel like I’m back to my pre-spine-pain health.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be at that 100% again, but, at least over the past week especially I’ve been feeling more acceptable. I am still quite tired. Not as tired as my friend Eddie that caught COVID 12 days ago. He’s got it way worse than I ever had. I don’t really want to do the comparison game. But I suppose since I’m thinking about it, and he was empathetic for a long time with me before he caught COVID, the only thing I would say is that my health was a slow decline, so I hadn’t even noticed how famished and weak I was, whereas he – as a strong/Fuerte dude – was knocked down by COVID. We would both rather have the spine pain than the COVID, but at least now he finally seems to be on the mend.

I bring that up not out of comparison but out of sympathy.

All of my online friends that I value the most, from Eddie to Abby and others, have all been “Vertebuddies” for me throughout my worst and my healing process. They haven’t been judgemental about not being able to do much, and in fact, quite the opposite. These are people that I feel like I can count on because when I’ve shared my experiences and they’ve shared theirs, we can develop a mutual empathy toward each other to rebuild ourselves in some senses. Even if, say, Abby doesn’t have any current physical health issues, she was able to empathize enough with me to know instinctively that I was skin and bones, as she said in the essay’s quote.

I replied with… “You’re right. I am basically skin and bones.”

A few days ago I ordered a pizza – the first time I ordered a pizza in my adulthood, and, the first food item of any sort I had delivered – and I ate the whole thing in a matter of minutes. I was still hungry after, which tells me my body is trying to recover by consuming a massive amount of food. I also… have completely lost my appetite. I can still appreciate the taste of food – some cheap vanilla wafers from yesterday’s supermarket walk hit the spot today in particular – but it doesn’t interest me as much. I can go through most of the day without even thinking about food.

So I have to make food in anticipation of eating, even if I’m not hungry.

I don’t know if this is something that will pass in time or if will remain. If it remains, somewhat it can be a good thing since I can adjust my diet around blander food that is more nutritious, since I ate fast food for all of about five meals before getting bored yesterday and going with my groceries rather than anything fanciful. These are the sorts of considerations I will have to indulge as I get back into better health again and reclaim the life that had been stolen from me from spine pains. Although I was gifted many insights into my own psyche and the psyches of others, most importantly now I prioritize reading along with writing each day [if not for that I would have gone to bed a while ago], I had a year of health stolen from me.

How many years of my life were reduced because of that?

Hopefully not many, or any, but it is an important thing for me to consider as I approach 35 years old. If I read for 30 minutes each day, how many books will I read through now? I’m just about 66% of the way through Bullshit Jobs, and I’ve been even reading more things on the side. That detracts from time spent playing or watching videogames or videos, and I haven’t been able to exercise in quite a long time, so where exercise will return into the mix is tricky, especially as I return back to work. But for now, it’s just nice to know that I am not going to be skin and bones forever anymore. Like a zombie that’s risen from the dead, I have been gifted my health.

In time, I will gain my muscles back.

Endtable
Quotes: [1] Abby was someone that asked me for advice prior to her first stream during my Zelda 1. She now has 311+ followers. I have about 125… if we’re counting numbers. I’m not, exactly, but it’s great to see her growth, and as I talked about in today’s stream, my guess for why that happened was because she’s genuinely happy to be hanging out with people and so it’s fun hanging out in her streams.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
– This week’s weight: 225.0
Last week’s weight: 223.0
– Weight Difference: Two pounds up.
– Difference between writing and editing for publication: First, Abby now has over 500 followers and I have almost 150. The chiropractic work has restored my functionality. It’s great! I can move around much better now. I need to focus on eating better quality food. I had been eating a bunch of ice cream a destressor, so I think that’s why I’ve been putting on weight.
Inspirations: Talking about my fitness, but, today my legs were hurting a lot. It took me a while to figure out why… I walked too much around the supermarket yesterday!
Related: Past weekly column entries. Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Pictures: Template
Written On: 2021 April 09 [11:06pm to 11:35pm]
Last Edited: 2021 April 09 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.