[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 21 {226.5} “Rental Health Regression”

On Monday, April 12 2021, my spine flared up worse than it ever had before. I messaged my doctor’s office to ask them for advice. They said they’d send the doctor a note. I messaged on Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. Nothing. On Friday, I told them that if I didn’t hear back by the end of the day, in two messages, I would be forced to assume the doctor is telling me to go elsewhere. No doctor’s message.

I’m disappointed but not surprised.

My insurance will pay over $5,000 and I will pay over $500 for two injections that worked for only two weeks. I calculated that out to about $40 per day of good health. I was able to buy groceries twice and get some fast food. I was able to do some things around my apartment that I had wanted to do. I don’t know why the doctor is so embarrassed that his injections failed so quickly. I’ve been told that injections should last about a month, and not by this doctor, but by a friend that has contacts with the medical industry. In addition to my tailbone hurting, the fatty area above the tailbone is hurting now, along with experiencing numbness in my left hand/arm, which is in addition to the numbness in my left leg. I have a headache that’s been, fortunately, less powerful today.

I emailed my insurance contacts about this.

I told them that this doctor has not been responsive and I’m looking for a new doctor. I messaged my primary care physician with the same and he will give me some lists next week – for spine doctors. I’m not sure if any new spine doctors will help – or if it’s just pain doctors at this point – because I’ve been ridiculed by both for months. It sucks because I want to live a normal life, to go out and do many things, and to be a productive member of society, and yet I can’t even change my clothes out of risk of having negative pain sensations. I’m sure my insurance company isn’t too thrilled about it, but they’re so stuck in their medical jargon bullshit to understand basic human communication.

They keep trying to call me even though I tell them to email me.

When they email me, the messages are impenetrable series of jargon terms that I don’t think any human being is meant to read, so then they want to call me to clarify things, but how can they clarify things via a phone call when they can’t even write coherent sentences? I constantly ask them to translate their writing into English. It might be rude but I really don’t care. They seem content with dealing with stupid bullshit from doctors’s offices and paying thousands of dollars for misguided care, so they might as well accept a little bullshit from me when I tell them they’re full of shit and they don’t communicate in ways that can make sense to anyone.

I don’t know what the plan is going forward.

I was told by the doctor’s office that I’d hear back from the doctor “by the end of the day” and that it was marked as “high priority” and yet we’re sitting at just after 11pm with no response. I love days like today. Friday, April 16 2021 will go on for eternity. People that promise that they’ll communicate by the end of a day and don’t create a sort of time warp to where it will perpetually be Friday. They promised I’d get a response on Friday, right?

I’m mostly used to my broken body again now after a week.

I’m not so pleased with the lack of responsiveness from my left hand/arm. I can still move it around but it feels substantially weaker. I don’t feel confident that the American Healthcare System will have a solution for me to regain my independence. At most, it will wipe out my bank account while I still attempt to do any basic physical activity. It would be simple for the haters to say “why don’t you just get over yourself?” but there is no way to get over the life-altering pain of constant spine pain, and those who would ask that lack the empathy for me to ever consider them worthwhile human beings. They would be too narcissistic to ever consider the plights of another, and when they would experience spine pain of their own, they would be the first to drag everyone else down to make their pains seem worse than everyone else. I try to remember that my problems are my own, that I am one person in a world-full of people experiencing problems, so when I reach out for help from my doctor it’s to get help so I can become independent, and not out of particular spite or malice.

Even if I feel like fits of rage seeping through on days like today.

Rather than letting that rage consume me, I channel it by saying – OK, if this doctor wants to spend weeks or months on my case, I will go elsewhere. Eventually, someone, somewhere will figure out something to do to help me out. I have been keeping my Oxycodone consumption low – only taking it when I absolutely need to, and even then, after I’ve exhausted all other techniques for managing my health – because that will help grow my tolerance and strength against pain. I shouldn’t be forced to do this, but with the complete lack of positive track recording from the American Healthcare System, I can only imagine this is how they treat their victims – I mean paychecks – I mean patients. If or when I get back into good health, permanently, I will be going through all of my medical records, and I will be capturing as much evidence as possible to prove what these doctors have taken away from me. Every promise of replying to emails, every promise of better health, every lie.

I won’t target them specifically but the system as a whole.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 226.5
Last week’s weight: 225.0
Weight Difference: My weight is increasing significantly.
Difference between writing and editing for publication: Chiropractic work has helped out so much that I don’t have much of a need to see this doctor anymore.
Inspirations: Writing about my health and my life at the moment.
Related: Past weekly column entries. Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Pictures: Template
Written On: 2021 April 16 [11:07pm to 11:29pm]
Last Edited: 2021 April 16 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.