[Rowing Machine] 2021: Week 23 {227.5} “Three Chiropractic Appointments”

I’ve been to three chiropractic appointments out of the twenty that my insurance will cover per year, and, this route has made a substantial improvement on my health! Many of the muscles around my spine had become so tight that they were causing massive amounts of pain in my tailbone and sides. It was surprising it took from August 2020 to December 2020 to get to physical therapy, let alone chiropractcy in late April 2021, but, I’m here.

I am pushing myself as much as I can between each appointment.

By that, I mean that I’m trying to get groceries after each appointment, and, minimally use pain management medication. Doing this is the good test to see if the chiropractic work is working. If I continue to feel excessive amounts of pain, to the point of needing to take medication, then it’s useless, right? While I wouldn’t say that the people that deal with chronic pain have given up on feeling better by doing things like consuming cannabis excessively as pain avoidance, I feel like it’s difficult to self-advocate within the American/Canadian healthcare systems in 2020/2021 because most doctors have been dismissive to me. They’re late to appointments, never fully focused on the actual conversation, prescribe something, and are out the door before you know it.

I’m going to go through my records and report each doctor individually.

I’m going to ask for my complete records from my insurance rep of every doctor I saw, since they did file a report on my behalf – and asked if I wanted to report the doctor anonymously, to which I said no – about the third pain doctor’s forceful nature of prescribing anti-depressants. It’s not exactly like I’m on a warpath to rid the world of all doctors. It’s more like I have the tenacity to fight against the many doctors that wronged me in their own ways. Why did it take from August’s surgery, through a few doctors, until December before I was referred over to physical therapy? I thought it was January, but I remember it was on close to the last day of the year. I told this to my chiropractor and he was surprised.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have an Independent Medical Evaluator?

I did a quick search about IMEs just now and all I found were reports of people asking questions like “why do IMEs lie?” and “what do I do when I figure out IMEs lie?” so maybe it’s a good thing that I haven’t gone down that route. I definitely feel like it would have been nice to have an advocate to speak on my behalf throughout most or all of this process. My insurance company took 12 months to assign me a rep that could competently communicate with me. My disability insurance company had a good short-term-leave rep, but the long-term-leave rep has treated me like garbage from day 1, and he was my replacement for another rep that treated me like garbage from a different perspective.

This is the American Healthcare System as I see it – throw it in the trash.

I wonder how much of this is because the insurance companies are obscured in so many layers of bullshit that it’s impossible for them to know what’s going on with anyone or anything? I imagine that I’ve gotten along well enough, all things considered. The second that I showed any positive improvement with my health through chiropractic work this week, my employer immediately wanted a return-to-work plan. I’m still at a point where walking around supermarkets to pick up groceries, with the most minimal amount of walking possible, still wipes me out. I’m not sure how they want me to return to working full-time, but, I’m just an employee number to them – an unused asset that they want to use. I am a human being only in that they cannot automate and replace my role – it is obscured by too many layers of bullshit for them to be able to do that, so they need a trained human to sit in a chair and sort through their layers of bullshit.

At least I have a sit/stand desk waiting for me at work.

I would like to return to work, too. What that means is that I have the sufficient physicality to return to work. It means I could buy groceries and do other errands. It means my pain levels are minimal or non-existent throughout most days. It means that I can continue my exploration of American society. There’s a lot to learn about living, writing, reading, and the exploration of the mind through working. There will be a point, if I continue to grind away at my writing and read everyday, where I might be able to break through and become an independent writer. I will, of course, need to secure my own healthcare at affordable prices. I couldn’t, say, find myself sick again as an independent person that sustains himself on writing.

It’s too much of a gamble, especially with my spine’s predisposition to issues.

There is a delicate balance, but I think the important thing to do will be to continue to work through all of my health problems at this point – to process and fully archive this part of my life – before moving on with new plans. I can still do some downsizing, with books or other things I know I can downsize, but my focus is on physically recovering from this year of chronic pain. I feel like I’ve made good progress over the past three sessions, over the past five days, and I feel optimistic about the future. Wherever that takes me, through whatever paths I may go, I know that this past year has almost been a gift to me – through knowing endless, constantly borderline-unacceptable pain, I have gained a resiliency and a lack of tolerance toward bullshit. I am learning now how to navigate that politely to get the results I need.

I’ve become “Zombiepaper” – writing about control – throughout this past year.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My fitness experiences.
This week’s weight: 227.5
Last week’s weight: 226.5
Weight Difference: One pound up.
Difference between writing and editing for publication: The chiropractic work has ended and now I’m just floating along waiting for the next doctor’s appointment to help me fix my spine.
Inspirations: Writing about my chiropractic and healthcare experiences.
Related: Past weekly column entries. Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Pictures: Template
Written On: 2021 April 30 [10:39pm to 11:01000000pm]
Last Edited: 2021 April 30 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.