[Sober/Confidence] Defense Against Chill

My addictions strangle me when I’m unable to cope with situations. Hearing bad news kills. Chilling, defined here as succumbing to any addiction, then feels acceptable. If you’re anything like me, we need to re-enforce our defenses, rather than ask that the constant barrage of life’s perhaps-positives and perhaps-negatives cooperate with us. It would be nicer to have a conflict-free life. That won’t happen. Let’s instead try figuring out how to build up our defenses.

The easiest approach would be to remain callous toward life.

Anything less would mean placing trust in people, and when you do, there’s the chance that this terrible rot in your stomach will happen when the bad news breaks. It feels like a knot of hunger that just won’t go away no matter how much you eat. It tries to control you, drag you down, manipulate, and abuse you.

It makes you want to send out nasty emails.

Stay strong! No matter what, don’t yield to any emotions that could sway you from where you were going before you encountered the bad news. What plans did you set out to accomplish in the morning? That could be just ignoring those malicious thoughts at first by focusing on your current plans.

Ideally, any bad news should bounce off you.

Didn’t get what you want? Get lowballed, disrespected, or abused? Accept that it happened then come up with a gameplan. Research how to overcome the bad news. Just do not let it affect you. If that means jumping into escapist fiction with victimized protagonists experiencing justice, briefly vicariously live that.

Then return to reality and assert your control!

Once you’re comfortable brushing off bad news, it’ll become a reflex. You’ll also fully realize when you’re uncomfortable quicker so you can address it in hours instead of days… or never. Lingering fear over unaddressed bad news usually masquerades as something else. I don’t ask for help when I don’t know I need the help.

Who does? Especially when we live in a safety bubble.

Sure, many things in this world are fantastic. Great, even. It’s just usually easier to see life as terrible because “a gram of caviar in a kilo of shit doesn’t change anything. A grain of shit in a kilo of caviar ruins everything.[1]” What if we laugh at stress? Allow it to come at us completely and without censorship?

We’ll probably get beaten quite often.

We may then build up our defenses. Each loss, each scar, each pain is something for us to wear proudly. We can choose to fight against our insecurity and decide to not allow external forces to offend our internal force. We just must first know that we can make that decision. Otherwise, we’ll be stuck in idle.

Fuck the bad news!

Will it kill you? Probably not. It didn’t kill me. I accepted it, continued on with my day, and aired out my frustrations here. Maybe reading this also helped you?

If not, sorry, but I’m not terribly concerned.

Sources: My personal experiences.

Quotes[1] Roland Topor.

Inspirations: Hearing bad news hours before listening to Andrew W.K and Wormrot for the two ends of the motivational spectrum.

Related: This experiments combines my Applied Self-Confidence and Sober Living columns… for 4/20, dude.

Photo: Ubiquitously ignored “no smoking” sign at a recent show. No relation to those events.

My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.