Day one, first hours, they indoctrinate you into loyalty with video propaganda to demoralize you and defang you. No unions. You must do this, you shall not do that, turn in any money you see, and check with your manager before you do anything, ever. It’s the same everywhere, really, it’s just not always videos. When you operate under that mentality of having people complain that you’re not working hard enough, half-off sales are great…
Why do we buy into excess?
I am a very addicted person. As I write about my experiences and learn to write and read more, I can start conveying these ideas more: my addiction to alcohol comes from the same place as my addiction to stuff, as it does from my addiction to putting my all into everything, and these are all from the same place as my writing.
Is it about curing or managing?
For me, I don’t want to drink again because the “me” that wakes up the next morning, hung over, wasted, and desensitized is also demoralized. I have accepted the circumstances of the day before and rather than spend the morning trying to fix those problems, I have hid from them.
I also need to stop thrifting.
Every morning, about 30 minutes before doors opened, we’d spray a high-power chemical scent into the store. You might smell it occasionally. It smells clean without the cleaning product. The stores are deliciously bright, with savory signs selling sales discounts. Manager’s discount! Green tags, 50% off! They don’t tell you that when green tags go to gray, they trash the green-tagged items.
Trash as in throw into the trash compactor.
You’re not saving a buck by buying it now. Unless… I was going to write an excuse for myself. No! Why do we explore these routes that just leave us with long-term pain? The clutter that I’m sifting through has impeded my life, not just during this moving process, but throughout the entirety of my life.
Let’s keep the essentials and elatives.
Everything else has been giving my pain, subconsciously, just as much as alcohol ever did to my system. I’d be fine some mornings after but it never really went away. I drank to avoid my problems, I thrifted to detach from my problems, but why? Is it easier to distract ourselves than correct ourselves?
If a little toy can give us a little joy, then those that annoy might find someone else for their scheming ploys. We’ve just gotta hang in there, right? We’ll buy it if it goes on sale. It’ll be worth it if we wait, right?
These days spent moving have been soul-crushing.
But it’s in the sort of way where I’m learning addiction management. These compulsive hyperactive overindulgences are part of my personality. It’s all rooted in the same problem, asking the same question: this new item may be like this, but is this what I really need?
Or do I just want a cheap little temporary distraction?
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Thinking back to the worst of my thrift store experiences.|
|Related: Other Sober Living and Moving Zeal essays.|
|Photo: Daily trashings.|
|Written On: January 1st [30 minutes]|
|Last Edited: First draft; final draft.|