I’ve found that if I push myself too far in any direction for any period of time, invariably, I will end up receiving additional symptoms. My pressure headaches were going on long enough that eye headaches/migraines started occurring. If I can fix both, great, but half of it will be with rest, and the other half is through not getting sicker with random colds, flus, or other irritants that could prevent me from feeling better.
One colleague was coughing and sneezing yesterday.
I arrived home, drank about three liters of water, ate 300 calories worth of large sweet potatoes, and doused them with Turmeric. The spices probably didn’t do much for passing any contagions, but turmeric is supposed to help with headaches. No relief there. At least I didn’t get sick… or I should say, sicker.
It would be great to get a few days of solid rest.
I’m not sure how possible that will be at this point. I have to work for the next few days. Even though I am on short-term disability, and even though that means I take computer breaks frequently, that still means I have to get into work. That puts pressure and stress on the body, especially when it’s already fighting off whatever it is fighting off in the head, now, it has these irritants potentially affecting the body as well.
I can’t seem to catch a break.
I’m not sure what can be done since this is outside my scope of knowledge. I am doing as much as I can to mitigate the pain I’m in, typing this with my eyes closed with my spine in its most comfortable position, resting or relaxing as much as I can, while still maintaining some degree of sanity through this now fifteen-day headache.
The pressure build-up is incredible now.
I wonder if that pressure is causing these problems in my eyes? Yesterday, my left eye was barely operable. Now, it’s my right eye. If I close one eye, I can use the other. If I don’t, I won’t be able to use either one. That could be because I’m wearing sunglasses with a ten-year-old prescription because that’s the only pair I can wear while using any computer unless the room is absolutely dark.
I feel so tired that I think I slept for fifteen minutes before I started writing.
Every day, I find new lows in my health, and every day, I find new resolve to keep pushing forward. I won’t let myself take any excuses for not doing something if I can. I may have this terrible headache, eye strain, and probable spine problems that are preventing me from living life on my terms. However, whenever I can, I try to reclaim my inner self. Figuring out those clear moments throughout the hours of pain where I can return to doing the work I love to do, writing, can enable me to still live a fulfilling life. I’m feeling like I’m struggling against my healthcare insurer. I’ve written them some stern emails over the past few days, telling them that I’ve let my management know that they’re dragging their feet in helping me, and that they don’t feel it’s important that I get into another primary care physician to do what they can or help coordinate ordering a brain scan.
These headaches may be rooted in stress, but how can I relieve this stress?
I can’t exercise for one, and for two, if there’s enough of a constant pressure, there’s not much else I can do than just see what they can do to help me. I have to hang in, which is why I’m writing this essay. I don’t feel well but I don’t feel sick. My head feels like an over-full balloon. My eyes burn. But I’m still able to write and I’m still able to think, even if the thoughts are scattered and not as concentrated as they normally are to write coherently.
You’ll have to excuse me on the coherency.
I feel so tired now that when I get home, I’ll probably skip making more food and go straight to sleep. If I can get some good rest, then I should feel better. It’s just there is no rest, it seems. Everything that’s going on with me physically is preventing me from getting into a good restful state. I woke up midway through my sleep cycle because I was in a nightmare, where, in a moment of lucid dreaming clarity, decided that I did not want to be terrorized in my bed, so I shook off whatever demon was grappling my senses, then woke up.
I’m not sure which was better.
If I had slept through it, I probably would have went onto the next part of the dream sequence and woke up in acceptable shape. That I woke up probably let to my current fatigue. For me, dreams have always meant a sort of defragmentation of current events literal or abstract. If I’m fighting off demons in my dreams, then that means there’s more to this headache than just mild stress. The last time I had constant recurring dreams, it was in regards to a gig I worked where the air quality was so poor that whenever I walked in through the old building’s doors, within five minutes, I’d have respiratory issues where I’d get sick for hours or days.
I wonder if these headaches are the same but exposure to myself?
I’m doing everything I can not to get sick, either physically with these flus or mentally with all of life’s stresses dragging me down, but it’s hard. I’ve started to become more sarcastic and short-tempered, which are my two warning signs that I’m pushing myself too hard. I’m not sure what else to do to slow it down and to not get sick. I have to work for the next few days and the next few decades.
I guess the trick is to keep my health under manageable control.
|Sources: My personal and professional experiences.|
|Inspirations: Exploring my thoughts like this is the easiest thing for me to do, plus, it’s good to get some subjective thoughts like this out there for my whole headache experience thing…|
|Related: Other Sober Living essays.|
|Picture: It’s easier for me to use a template, but, sorry if you’re sick of it.|
|Written On: 2020 January 13 [26 minutes, from 2:02am to “If I’m fighting off demons in my” at 2:22am, from 2:45am to 2:49am. Gdocs.]|
|Last Edited: 2020 January 13 [Possible edits adapting from Gdocs to WordPress. Would this be the second draft, then?]|