Throughout these over 900 essays, if there’s anything I’ve learned about myself, it’s that I have the most energy in the morning then it fades off from there. Morning’s dew is indifferent to evening’s stew of failures and shortcomings throughout the previous day. My dreams abstractly tell me what’s wrong and vaguely points out how I can fix these benign problems. My evening routine: prepare my coffee, lunch, hydrate, soak in the tub, then go sleep.
There’s no point addressing things when physically exhausted.
I think most of us burn the midnight oil out of this notion of loathing the morning, and why wouldn’t that be the case, when we’re spending what would be our best and most productive time worried about being late to work and dredging through work, only to have our free time cut short in the evening by the fatigue of having rudeness overwhelm our comfortable happiness.
Why not wind down at work?
Why not enjoy our lives while working by readjusting our lifestyles to more fully enjoy life? We can still hang out with friends. We might just be more tired doing so unless we plan ahead. Packing one’s lunch might be an analogy for preparing for the day ahead. I pack three small sandwiches. One for first break, lunch, then second break. I dress simply.
These address my physical needs.
With that out if the way, I can explore my thoughts in this venue during a time when others might be asleep or rushing through traffic. I’ve been awake for three and a half hours now and I still have twenty minutes before I need to leave my car to go to work. I am not dedicated to my job. My job may seep into facets of my psyche, dragging me down while I’m preparing lunch over huge mistakes with life-changing repercussions that could ruin my career, dragging me down further than I’ve ever felt before until I break free from those negative thoughts.
Yeah, I’m having a difficult week with many topics I’ve written about elsewhere, and hopefully, after tomorrow, I will be back into a better headspace. Today I will hopefully have some resolution to my work woes and tomorrow I will conclude a business venture gone awry. That should hopefully free up more mental space for me to clear more things off my plate. Some overdue writing projects, maybe sell some stuff, and maybe another donation run?
In one year, these will be inconvenient memories.
I’ve experienced many disappointing situations; feared going into many more. I’ve survived all of them. Worst case, I’m fired mercilessly, can’t get any money, kicked out of the apartment-mansion, and get hurt. I can survive through all of these. It’s just in those moments when we let these thoughts overwhelm us, we can’t think clearly enough to relax and consider the positives in life, leading us astray from joy and possibilities of new realities.
My first two hours being awake are where I’m the most “myself.”
|Sources: My personal and professional experiences.|
|Inspirations: Just thinking about work and my feelings.|
|Related: Other Sober Living essays.|
|Picture: A 4-minute sketch of what I’ll usually do when I write at the end of my day.|
|Written On: June 21st [21 minutes, mobile]|
|Last Edited: June 23rd [Minor adaptations for print, otherwise, first draft; final draft for the Internet.]|