[Sober Living] Goading Until Intolerant

We are mostly imprisoned by the insecurities of our minds. For every actual obstacle we face, there are plenty more that are just because we’re too tired, we’ll procrastinate, or we just can’t imagine it’ll ever happen. When we don’t confront the realities of what we want versus what we have, we become miserable, sometimes lashing out at others, or other times abusing ourselves. There is no need to keep yourself chained to good enough.

I think it’s because we don’t see our dreams as feasible.

If we accept our fate of enduring stress throughout a busy week, dealing with people we hate or at least tolerate while they’re in the room, we can live for the weekends, and maybe an occasional vacation or staycation where we’ll still be available to check emails just in case we get bored with where ever we’ve vacationed to, and around our family.

What would happen if we fully embraced our dreams?

We’d look at each day and consider whether the effort we put in would help us accomplish our goals or goad us into filling a chair and performing a duty. When I sit in a chair and I’ve wasted the day, not even toward my writing goals, but not even being capable of being as productive as I can be, I get frustrated, then I get recklessly destructive.

In years past, those moments would continue until something broke.

Now I can capture those thoughts in this or some other writing and really explore where that pain point is hitting me the worst. I’ve been thinking it’s a combination of severe under-stimulation and over-stimulation. To be so bored at work that you figure out ways to fill your time can be nice, except when the workload appears suddenly.

But it goes deeper than that.

Hitting on the topic from before, I’m not doing work that is helping me achieve my goals. The primary reason I’m here is for money. Secondarily, future opportunities, and tertiarily to get outside my comfort zone by really getting to know new people. Otherwise, I feel like this goat when I see people that are doing what they love to do.

Me? I’m just carving out time during the day for that.

I’ve structured my life so that if I’m in good health, therefore feeling up to write, I can write for maybe four hours – three abroad, one at home – each workday. This time is therapeutic. When it’s uninterrupted, while listening to music, I can figure out either some of the pain points, or, some of the highlights of the day.

When I don’t, things fall apart.

When I don’t write, I stop sharpening my skills in the pursuit of advancing myself toward my goals, instead focusing on the petty garbage and temporary anxiety that I won’t even remember next week. In those circumstances, a quick memory of my truest life ambitions will remind me of where I need to focus my efforts.

Certainly not on perpetually goading stressors.

Endtable:
Quotes: None
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: Another shitty work day.
Related: None.
Pictures: A city cleanup project goat.
Written On: July 19th [45 minutes]
Last Edited: July 19th [0 minutes]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.