[Sober Living] My Greatest Secret

My sobriety is like an open secret. No one really knows the true complexity of what sobriety really means; to have gazed through the precipice of that unknown and recoiled before being consumed by it. I have difficulties because of it. I am not the person I was or can be, but the person I am is here, writing this, reflecting on that sort of open secret some of us know but no one knows.

We know we can go back.

There’s a feeling of hopelessness that can be masked by days in the sun, of laughing with friends, and all of that means nothing to us. It seems to the outsiders. Maybe for us as well. Those highs are but a small percentage of the terrible lows we feel. It’s scary knowing that it can all fall apart.

It’s all about not giving up.

There are hard times. Good people do bad things. Bad people inspire us to feel terrible. We can preserve. Bat away those minor nuisances in your day and life. There is so much more than just that situation, those memories, or this lifestyle.

Life is all about stress management.

Without minor elements of stress, we would have nothing. Time stresses our perceptions of reality into a linear motion. Anything we want takes effort; stored or applied. To be around people, to eat food, to sleep… these are all stressers.

Don’t let them drag you down.

If your clothes are stained by some outside force and if your life is stained by some internal force, act the same: change your environment, fix that which is wrong, or keep reaching out to others to ask for help. There is no other battle.

Life is just about fighting death.

When it gets you down, remember your goals. For me, writing is more enjoyable than many other things, but when I experience the ups and downs of life, I can perceive a more realistic interpretation of how life actually works. There is no reason to remain unhappy or mad.

Fix that which you need to fix.

Don’t let your life be swept up in a negative downstream current toward a life you’ll certainly hate. Paddle upstream! If someone gives you shit, ignore it, and keep vying for your prize. Fighting them will only bring you down while you’re still swimming.

Fight them once you’ve secured yourself.

Otherwise you may find yourself unsteady, unmotivated, or swept up in a worse current. There is nothing worse than letting a victory slip out from under you because of some mistake that you would have never made if you were calmer.

That’s the thing with addiction.

I know it, we know it, but that internal pressure cooker is a little too temperamental for some people’s tastes. They may scoff at you for overacting. I understand. It’s a difficult world we live in. I forgive the mistakes you should have forgiven yourself for making.

Unless they were active attacks on me. Then fuck off.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: Feeling a bit bad and sad, I took a walk along the river and sat somewhere where I could reflect on my thoughts.
Related: Other Sober Living essays.
Photo: A boot in the river.
Written On: May 9th [18 minutes]
Last Edited: First draft; final draft for the Internet.
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.