[Sober Living] Seeing Only Rage

I put on the new glasses with a new prescription and my left eye was completely blurry. It was like someone smashed the left side of my vision inward and smeared chemical over it. I tried to explain this. No empathy, no sympathy. I was just told over and over again to give it more time. I didn’t even realize how mad I was until halfway home. I hadn’t even been listening to my music.

We give too much credit toward others.

As much as we want to trust people, especially those in medical industries, we have to take a step back and see how they right wrongs. If there is a mistake and they correct it right away, great, or even if they come up with a long-term plan where maybe it won’t be fixed instantaneously, but here’s the game plan.

However, to be told repeatedly how I was wrong?

I had to argue for my own patient care getting the glasses and in the doctor’s office. I’m not sure what it’s been. I went to a doctor that lacked empathy and now this? I hate being in these sorts of situations, where I sacrifice so much effort to work hard for decent insurance, then to have that insurance amount to all this?

Writing those few hundred words helped.

I was scrolling through some photos on a social media platform to distract myself just now. I kept scrolling. I wasn’t seeing anything. My mind was just locked onto that rage it felt when I kept trying to explain that these glasses don’t look right.

They couldn’t believe there was a possibility for any mistakes.

I had been excited to get my new glasses as part of an attempt to see what could fix these headaches I’ve been getting with increasing severity. That anticipation quickly led to disappointment then frustration. I think what I’ll do is sleep off this frustration and then come up with my game plan.

I will call tomorrow to reschedule to a different doctor.

I will see if this coveted insurance will allow me to transfer to a different location because I cannot accept this sort of behavior for how I want my vision to be handled. Doctors aren’t holy individuals immune from mistakes and if these glasses were so terrible to upset me there, it’s worth actually listening.

These are the moments where I overindulge.

I’ve tempered my lifestyle enough to not go wild, but that’s only because I have an avenue to vent that frustration. I am still so mad that I can’t think straight and I can’t concentrate on much at all. I took a mental distraction break there to calm my nerves and even that temporary escapism was nearly pointless.

I can’t keep letting events like this influence my life.

If I am driven by ego enough to be self-confident enough to appreciate how my vision looks without some blurry vision, then I have to be comfortable with the anxiety that comes from standing up for myself, along with figuring out how to take that negative pressure that’s consumed my mind and expel it.

OK, I’m done for now. More later.

I tried on the glasses after going to sleep and letting my eyes and mind reset. The problem with the glasses might be that they’re too small, causing everything outside of the center of my vision to get distorted. That’s the issue with the glasses. Now, as far as the prescription, I wonder if that might be weird?

I last got my eyes checked before starting this website.

My prescription might be in my legal paperwork, and if not, we’ll have to roll with what the doctor says, I suppose. I’m still thinking that it will be good to get a second opinion, and I’m not a fan of how they handled the situation. If a customer is mad, you have to de-escalate the situation by validating and navigating.

They didn’t care at all.

Either they were too busy to consider what I was saying or they instantly went into defense mode. When I get rude customers, it’s difficult for me to want to help them, but I get them through to where they need to go or tell them what needs to happen to get them on their way to their idealized conclusion.

This was just me being ignored.

It would be OK if I am wrong. Maybe the glasses aren’t the right type for me? Maybe they’re too small? Maybe I need to get glasses that fill more of my vision? But at least try to work with me to correct my wrong and turn it into a right, through understanding or basic customer service empathy.

I woke up to this thought angry.

As I made my coffee and breakfast, let my mind calm into some escapism, before returning to this essay to conclude it with a more level-head, I must say that it’s a good experience to see bad customer service as a person whose career is based in customer service. I didn’t feel good from these interactions.

I get yelled at by customers at least twice a week.

Between two and twelve times a week, I’ll get people that are mad, unprofessional, rude, passive-aggressive, or otherwise demanding of my patience. I have to let that roll off me. Get them what they need. I could get someone from the east coast that’s hyped up on aggression then a chilled out west coaster next.

I help them both the same.

As nice as it would be to invalidate people, to tell them they’re wrong, to give it time, if they tell me that there’s a problem, I have to help them come up with a solution. I don’t tell people they’re wrong for having their problem. I ask them what’s going on, tell me what you’re seeing, and how’s it suppose to look?

Even if all I initially saw was rage, de-escalated, I could clearly see concave blurriness.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal and professional experiences.
Inspirations: As an end note, after I got home, I looked up why they kept dismissing me. It seems like most places do recommend trying out new glasses, but to be instantly invalidated after saying “hey, this doesn’t look right” was shitty and unprofessional.
Related: Other Sober Living essays.
Picture: I didn’t feel like doing any sort of photo manipulation, so here’s a generic drawing with some blurriness from left to right.
Written On: October 30th, 2019 [42 minutes. From 1:32pm to “more later” at 1:55pm. From 10:07pm to 10:26pm.]
Last Edited: October 30th, 2019 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.