Among the times over the past nearly seven years, I’ve come the closest to breaking my sobriety, a majority of them have been due to work-related stress. Whether that meant thoughts of a resume-generating event causing chaos on my financial situation and employment status or days after weeks of one stress after another that led into thoughts of wanting to escape all of that, well, now I’m beginning to find balance: work an easy job…
I have no further career ambitions.
I’ve done everything I learned about the industry before I started in it eleven years ago. I’ve seen what I like. I’ve seen what I dislike. I’m doing the work now that is tolerable enough to be maintainable in the short-term. If my lifestyle should change – if these writings become something more career-viable, then I imagine those stresses would change from having shitty callers with shitty problems to having shitty commenters with shitty take-downs. Nothing new. Nothing I can’t learn to tolerate with here or there.
I see that route of writing full-time as a better way for me.
As much as it’s fun for me to wake up at a certain time, dress up, go to work, be chained to a desk and a phone, and listen to enjoyable people complain about absurdly comical things, I like the idea of writing more. How will I earn money doing that? If I can sell novels of fiction and e/books of nonfiction, then it might be possible. Who would buy them? I know that for some of these sorts of writings, I would buy these thoughts and these stories, if I were a reader, which is why I write the material that I write: my audience is me.
I am my current biggest fan and critic.
When I look at the works I’ve written over the years, some of them have value, but most currently are fine as free publications. Even the first novel is a good piece of literature, and I’m proud of it, but it has more value as a concept where the pre-novel and post-novel essays tie it all together into a cohesive unit. That’s what I want to expand on with the second novel. It will have a longer word count and have a longer writing cycle so it will stand more fully on its own as a piece of literature rather than just some long novella or something.
Until then, I roll with the professional punches.
Any sort of mistake I have made since I started this most recent, and hopefully final technical job, have been professionally minor. I have not impacted the business in any sort of major way. Personally, or from a professional development perspective, sure, I have made mistakes. There have been hours, end of shifts, baths with random thoughts, and times throughout where I’ve contended against myself – my fiercest critic – over mundane concepts. They are the same sorts of embarrassments most all of us feel when we interact with others.
It’s better to iron these out here.
In a heavily social environment such as any Corporate American gig, you’re bound to find people more insidious than any commenter online. There have been those over the years that have seemingly taken pride in taking me down, so if I can roll with those punches in an environment where supervisors and managers can assess the situation, rather than perhaps a general public, is that easier or better?
Depends on the amount of shit thrown my way.
It seems like no matter what you do in any Corporate American job, you will screw up. Is that by design? Does management constantly want to cut the wings off of people? Or do we act in ways that might offend outside of our suit-and-collar, business professional jobs? People we may have trusted for years can suddenly turn on us as soon as salaries are mentioned, there is potential for advancement, or feelings get hurt.
We’re all just sophisticated monkeys dressed up in suits.
Why does it all matter so much? Getting fired from a job will lead to a temporary reduction in extravagant lifestyles. If we save our money, invest in items that won’t cause us to go into debt, we can free ourselves from needing promotions to pay for more expensive plots of land we’re only going to rent for 100 years, if that, and cars we’re only going to lease for as long as we’re still able to use them. What if we break free from these corporate chains?
That wouldn’t be the American way…
The people I know that are the most miserable at work are the ones that don’t get enough sleep because they drag themselves into work that they can tolerate because they need to pay for things they only just barely tolerate. Breaking free from that whole vicious cycle requires investing in things that we like most and shedding all the rest. What if I borrow seconds of time here to invest in thoughts on progressing my life?
Eventually, I’ll have enough time borrowed to invest in myself.
When I see people that are bored at work, I wonder why they’re bored. Why don’t they use that downtime to assess their physical and mental condition, then figure out where they’d like to be, ideally. If I want to be a full-time writer, I need to write more. That’s why I’m posting 1000-word essays twice daily. That is four-times the amount of writing I did one year ago at just 500 words daily. It means more focus on writing, which means less focus on the superfluous bullshit I don’t care about anyways.
I’m more decisive now because I don’t have the time for indecision.
If I want fewer negative resume-generating events in my career and more positive resume-generating events in my writing, then I have to focus my lifestyle in a way to attain both.
That means, for me, an easy job where I follow guidelines and can use the downtime to write.
|Sources: My personal and professional experience.|
|Inspirations: I wrote the title down on November 11th, probably as a note for something to write. I was thinking of maybe having it tie into my Novel Building essays, but then it dropped out of favor, so then I wrote it as a regular Sober Living essay.|
|Related: Other Sober Living essays.|
|Picture: Template picture.|
|Written On: December 18th, 2019 [25 minutes, from 1:08am to “if these writing become coming” at 1:12am to pretend to be working until 1:18am, then from there until “taken pride in taking” at 1:27am, then from 1:35am until 1:47am, Gdocs.]|
|Last Edited: December 20th, 2019 [Some edits to adapt from Gdocs to WordPress… so… second draft?]|