[Tripping On…] Canceling Injection Appointment

Ever just get a bad feeling about how something will go, so then you act decisively, even if it seems counterintuitive? I’d been scheduled for an injection of some chemical or another into my spine for two months now. They were never clear what it was. I asked via their email form four times. No reply, when normally they’d call me same-day. When I canceled, they called, with the name of the medication; reluctantly, hesitantly.

My manager is not a fan of pain specialists either.

I’m sure they do some good in some capacities, but my doctor was little more than a fashionable drug dealer, and so for their office to be so reluctant to give me basic information about what chemical would be injected into me is a major red flag. The person that called me didn’t know the medication, said they had to get special approval from their manager for something, but I could talk to the manager. Of course. The manager didn’t have the name of the medication at first, either, and talked evasively, as though talking broadly would satiate my concerns.

The medication was spelled out to me as: methylparedinosolninolue

Methylprednisolone is a common enough medication but the problem, based on what I’ve read, is that it offers only temporary relief. I would go through all the effort of going there, which I was initially told I needed someone to drive me there and back, only to be told after I told them I wouldn’t have such a person that it would be fine, for only temporary relief? This medication along with a numbing agent they called “lavocaine” doesn’t seem worth the effort if the doctor basically dumped me off at the doorstep of the ER, telling me there was nothing more he could to do help with the treatment of my pain, so why should I trust his judgment on this?

His office didn’t have their shit together.

He might just want to bill my insurance for this injection which now sits in their office. They can reuse it on another patient. The pain has spread from just the lower back, so it wouldn’t even be too effective anyways. My symptoms have increased in severity, my health has declined, and when I talked with the spine doctor, he wasn’t convinced that any spinal injection would do much good. That it took me to cancel my appointment for them to get around to getting basic information is something that deserves further investigation from a source outside of myself, but alas, I will protect guilty parties, because if there’s anything I know about the American Healthcare System, it’s that my writings here won’t make any difference.

The problem isn’t with this doctor or his practice.

The problem is that we – you, and I – allow for things like this to happen in our own various ways. Perhaps an example of that could be my letting them get away with this sort of garbage without calling them out by name, but I don’t want to call out myself or my readers, so I mean more in the sense of being decisive about our health. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. I’m in pain, so do whatever I can, right? Well, wait, in they’re going to be so secretive about what they’re going to do to me, why?

What did they have to hide?

I am no expert on spinal injections, so take this thought as just a hunch, but maybe the idea was that if I didn’t ask any questions, they could have just did what they did at the ER: give me some cheap pain-numbing medication rather than something to actually decrease the inflammation. I’ll be going to see the spine doctor again within two days. If he does recommend the shot, I’ll ask for a different doctor. That will be my way of saying I don’t trust the medical advisement I received from the other doctor.

I also asked for a different primary care physician this evening.

Although I can be as charitable as possible when it comes to doctors with their high-stress jobs, I feel like certain oversights were made by both doctors that wasted my time. I can’t change my present by going back into my past to tell both doctors to focus their efforts, but I can change my future by not tolerating their treatment. I can say, no, I don’t agree with how it took three PCP doctors visits and nearly being sent back to work to be sent to the pain doctor, twice, before being sent to the ER, before going to the spine doctor, who told me plainly that I had two bulging discs.

The pain doctor knew this but didn’t tell me on our second and final visit.

He could have said, you have two bulging discs that’s causing you this pain. There is not much more I can do for you than I already have. You may require surgery. Schedule an appointment with the spine doctor. He could have said this over the phone, but instead, this doctor straight out of a fashion catalog walks in to our appointment to tell me to go to the ER since there’s nothing else he can do for me. This whole process continues to make me feel degraded as a human being. No one should have had to suffer through what I have had to suffer through, and yet, here we are, me, continuing to suffer through this and more.

At least I’ll begin saying no to things I don’t think are right.

With all this pain building up in my body, what other options do I have left? My body isn’t quite kicking into survival mode but it certainly should be at its rate of decline, so if there’s anything my mind can do to say, wait, no, let’s try something else, then now’s the time to do so.

I hope to get some traction toward restoring my health.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: I wanted to write about this to get the thought down. Turned out better than I thought.
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 July 29 [Midnight to 12:24am]
Last Edited: 2020 July 29 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.