[Tripping On…] Comedy Of Errors

My case was denied perhaps because my primary care physician’s office has been so guarded about withholding any information that I told them that they’ve weaponized HIPAA. I spent 45 minutes on the phone with one of my insurance companies trying my best to explain the situation. Every time I try to do anything to get my health back on track, it seems like there’s one problem after another. It’s easier to ignore it, I suppose.

Here’s what I wrote to my primary care physician’s office:

HIPAA should not be used as a weapon to hurt patients as I feel it as in my situation. It has been difficult, as my spine is still in poor condition, to proceed in jumping through the loopholes and the procedures required to release my records to the proper people in order to get my records released. I would appreciate any help with getting this coordinated.

I’m sure that the reply will be filled with more excuses.

Earlier in the email, I explained that my case was denied and it was probably in part because of all my continual attempts to try to get my records released. It was only within the past few weeks that they sent me any documentation at all to get the forms released. I didn’t know that I needed to ask in some specific, secretive, esoteric manner to request filling out authorization forms in writing send out medical records, as I am explaining here. It was not obvious to me, so if it is to you, hey, congrats, you’re smarter than me. I also didn’t know that my attempts would fail more than three times in a row for random little issues ranging from “the document didn’t attach” to “it appears like a digital signature” to “there is no physical address,” even though they’d be faxing records.

I write this in frustration because my spine is hurting.

I spent a good amount of my energy today walking through my situation again. I don’t remember how many times I’ve done this now. It’s getting really painful and tiring. These issues started three months ago and it’s to the point now where I worry daily whether my left leg will sever a nerve and cause me long-term damage if I go to the fucking grocery store. I don’t have the energy to tell all these different people the same story when they don’t note anything and don’t share it between themselves as they say they do, because if they did, they wouldn’t ask me the same questions each time.

I talk to new people that ask the same questions.

I should be in better spirits about this whole thing, but I have bills to my left that I need to pay soon, I still don’t know what chemical will be injected into my body next week, my insurance is possibly not going to pay for any of my treatment so what was formerly expensive will turn very expensive, and I’m only marginally better. I still can’t go to the store, but at least I was able to go out for a drive yesterday, and I can crouch down to pick things up off the ground, which is better than a few weeks ago, so I suppose I’m healing up well enough.

I still can’t make it through a 45-minute call without my spine hurting.

I don’t know what to do. Nothing really seems to be helping significantly. It would seem that only minor fixes seem to work and those take days or even weeks to heal but can take seconds or minutes to undo. It’s frustrating to look at how this is all turning out. No one seems to be “on my side” on this one, and I don’t mean in terms of fully recouping medical expenses, but I mean, I feel like I’ve been treated like shit by all these medical advisors throughout this entire process. I’m used to feeling alone in general. I built this website and wrote my novel on basically my own effort, but I would have expected that when I had valid medical issues that I might have been helped, but instead, I feel like even now, I’m not getting the help I need to get any better.

I guess at least I have some time off?

I guess at least I have money in the bank that I can give to these medical people, so there isn’t a concern on that front, but I had kind of wanted to keep that money to use for my own purposes, rather than to spend on medicine that doesn’t work, to spend talking to doctors that don’t care, and whatever else. I have never really felt as truly alone as I have in this moment in this situation. The pain in my spine is real and hurts but the pain of knowing that a significant amount of my own personal money will need to be deducted out of my own finances to recover, that I may never recover fully, and that I am stuck dealing in situations where my health is poorly treated at best really doesn’t put me in the best moods.

I should try to feel better, and have been trying, but it’s tough.

It’s when I’m physically hurting like this, and now mentally/emotionally hurting, that eating becomes the hardest thing to do, even if it will help. I’ve eaten as much as I could today, I haven’t felt like cooking anything today, and I have some water over here that I have drunk as much as I could, even if it isn’t much. Maybe when my primary care physician prescribed me Prozac for my back pain it wasn’t just a sarcastic jab, but really, that’s just a cruel joke in my opinion. I think I’m going to go draw and escape from all these medical thoughts for a few hours. That should help me feel better than any of the painkillers I have over here that don’t work.

All they do is mask the spinal pain.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: Fuck all of this, right?
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 July 22 [5:52pm to 6:21pm]
Last Edited: 2020 July 22 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.