[Tripping On…] “F/U Pain” Tomorrow

This morning, I received a message from the referral coordinator expressing exhaustion over the only options I had left. I could either go to another hospital’s ER, go back to the pain doctors I’ve seen before, or, self-pay. The problem with lying to me is that I will find out. What about palliative care? Can’t their doctor refer me to along to their ER? My-Tomorrow, I’ll be seeing one of their doctors for “f/u pain.”

I assume that’s “follow-up pain,” but, fuck you pain seems to fit, too.

The referral coordinator was actually not the one to help but my PCP’s assistant who said that I should wait until My-Monday for the best pain management options from the musculoskeletal doctor I’ll be seeing who is colleagues with the doctors that, 1: pulled on my foot causing pain and didn’t apologize, and 2: could only see me as a patient with CRPS with a SCS surgery, so, that option doesn’t seem too good. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I will probably have to re-explain myself and advocate once more for my existence as a human being, but, maybe this will help?

It can’t hurt much more than my foot doctor’s follow-up today.

My in-grown toenail surgery site is healing up well, although the skin looked bruised to me, so there wasn’t a need for me to even go there beside getting the quick OK that it looks good, and some cleaning up around the wound. I did find out, too, that they dislike doing these matrixectomies unless it is medically necessary. Unfortunately, then, they won’t do proactive surgeries, which makes sense, since the other toenails aren’t this way now – and when they are, then I know the verbiage and possibly even the doctor’s office to take care of all of that.

I’ve been lately thinking of all this treatment – or lack thereof – I’ve received.

If the next few months do work out for me in terms of physical health but I can’t find work around here, I’m going to move away from this area. If I can’t trust the local doctors to help me through my worst, why should I stick around here? It seems like – and maybe this is the bias of my no income state-level insurance speaking here – I’ve burned through all the local doctors that might be able to help. If my care requires more intensive or complex treatment, this area probably won’t help me. Why would I wait 6 months in the level of pain I’m in to receive more shitty medical advice?

I wondered, too, what if it’s cancer or something?

There’s a joke about addicts where addicts are the only group of people with illnesses that are actively hated for having their illness. You don’t hate a person for having cancer, but addiction? What if I actually had some kind of cancer, autoimmune disease, or some kind of major problem and it’s taken years to diagnose? What if my pain weren’t so bad to disable me from working? What if I worked through my pain and it steadily got worse?

That’s life.

Quotes: None
Sources: My personal hell.
Inspirations: That’s all the energy I have to share about my day, but suffice it to say, it’s wild.
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2022 May 18 [11:12pm to 11:24pm]
Last Edited: 2022 May 18 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.