[Tripping On…] Lessening Psychic Damage

There is a sort of negativity that I associate with certain things being left undone. Sometimes, I can help them. I can complete certain tasks. But other tasks, especially ones that I procrastinate on for too long, develop a sort of psychic damage against me, where, in my mind, I’ll always think about doing them. Better to get it done than not, right? Well, that’s sometimes possible. Instead, I try doing things when I can.

I went through three bags of physical mail about one hour ago.

Nothing really worthwhile and nothing time-sensitive that I wasn’t already aware of, but, it was good for me to get through that mail because that was mail that had built up over the past two months. It’s difficult enough for me to physically go to my mailbox, let alone open the mail that no doubt serves bad news. That’s where the psychic damage comes into play. It might seem easy to open all the mail and wade through all the bad news, but, how much effort does that take? When I get my mail, I’m wiped out for a few days. It’s not easy for me to do that then wade through all the bad news about how much this or that is terrible, and even thinking about this is overwhelming.

A less extreme example of this is procrastinating on completing some tasks.

I’ve broadcast an assortment of things that I haven’t completed. It will be nice once they’re all done and off my plate. I’ve been streaming Zelda 1 over the better part of the past 9 months and I haven’t terribly enjoyed my time playing it, so I haven’t pressed through to complete it, but that also means a shift in my relationship with my physical videogame collection. Zelda 1 represented one of those neat games I’d never played through but that everyone loves. Well, it’s fine. I like it well enough, but I don’t love it, so I will sell it along with almost all of my videogame collection to my friends, local videogame stores, and others if I can’t sell everything I want.

Their space fills up psychic damage in my head.

If I can clear the space from the healthcare mail, videogames, and other things – if I can process through all the myriad things I want to do in life, then I can begin new projects, right? Well, there’s a balance, because it’s important to take in new stimulus, but it’s also important to clear the old stimulus out. If there’s any aspect of my life that’s perhaps been the most like this, it’s music. On my RateYourMusic profile, I’ve rated over 8,000 albums from 2008 to 2021 and counting. About half of them I may not return to, so there’s not a whole lot of point to keep those albums around “just in case” when, if I want to listen to them, they’re easily available elsewhere. That’s another aspect of my life I want to get sorted. How can I reduce the physical, emotional, and psychic footprints of all my myriad hobbies while also allowing new hobbies or aspects of these hobbies in?

I think it’s important to practice detaching from things.

With that mail, I was able to condense the three plastic bags into one bag, and that bad might not even matter all that much for being where it is. I can probably put it all away into my healthcare paperwork box that I will then tend to after my health improves. That will be when I’ll shred a majority of the documents I don’t need, after I photograph them, and then archive my healthcare folder. Almost all of the paperwork I’ve received is irrelevant outside of receipting purposes, so if I’ve received the receipts and the information is irrelevant, why hold onto the physical paperwork? It’s unfortunate in that there’s so much left in terms of my health and my healthcare documentation, but I feel like I’m approaching the end of it, too, not just in terms of getting healthcare treatment but also dealing with all this stupid bullshit.

I’m looking forward to getting rid of many older aspects of myself.

I want to transition away from my previous identities of who I was in order to go toward newer and better directions in my life. I haven’t written about this here, but in social media and livestreams, I’ve talked about how I’ve been thinking about gender concepts, studying along with my friends, and learning what’s comfortable for us. Society will tell us what is comfortable because that machine profits from marketing to one of two groups. I don’t feel attachments to either male or female genders, nor gender itself, and as part of that, I’ve transitioned away from my traditional identity. It’s something that is easy to assess respect from. If people I’ve told this to or know better and don’t, then I know to put slightly less trust in these people, because what that tells me is that the way these people respect me is less than how I respected those people.

These are all changes that might not have happened without my disability.

With my disability, I’ve experienced many aspects of separation between my mind and my body. I’ve always felt this separation, but after becoming disabled in April 2020 and especially after waking up from my surgery on August 31 2020 at noon to complete body paralysis until 4:30am on September 01 2020, my mind’s relationship with my body took on a whole new change. So, transitioning away from the things that do damage to my physicality, mentality, and psychic mindsets are all important things for me going forward, especially if I am to recover and become a productive member of society again. Too many people are bullies to the weak. I’ve been weak throughout my disability, so if I can become strong again, I’ll have my first-hand experience of people giving me slurs then telling me to grow a thicker skin.

Those people’s insecurities masked a need for thicker skin.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: Writing about a few areas of my life.
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters. Other sections could apply, but, oh well.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2021 August 16 [11:15pm to 11:40pm]
Last Edited: 2021 August 16 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]


My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.