[Tripping On…] More Spine Flare-Ups

This essay is an accidental prequel to tomorrow’s essay where I wrote about the processes of capturing my spine flare-ups. This one happened less than 5 minutes ago. I could feel my eyes widen and my concentration drop. My health hasn’t been great lately, but over the past few days, my health’s been even worse. I have my injection in a little over a week, so that’s nice to look forward to, but until then… sigh.

I really wish it were easier.

I am learning valuable lessons about the nature of my life and my reality through these spine flare-ups, but I kinda feel like I’d rather they stop, too. It’s unfortunate because I see much of this as being preventable or avoidable through more direct doctor care, but I have to wait until my doctor returns from vacation. I didn’t think to ask the doctor if there was another person at the clinic that could do the injection, but, the doctor didn’t offer this either. I have to waste basically the next 8 days or so until the appointment. I can still go about my days, but I wasted today because my health has been so out of wack that I was awake until 7am, slept until noon, felt like garbage until about 8pm, and only now have just done anything that would be nice toward either my own positive mental health, or any of the goals I do have and want to accomplish in life.

Flare-ups like this remind me of the value of fewer possessions.

I don’t know how I’m going to sort through most of them, especially when many still hold some degrees of sentimentality for me, but I know most of them must go so I can live somewhere more affordable. My spine condition has been left untreated or under-treated for so long that I’m not sure what financial options or working environments I can even operate within. The spine flare-up I just had was bad. I have them so often that I’m used to them, but each one is bad. How many times do I have to define how bad it is over how many essays before it’s clear? How many doctors do I have to meet that see me as alive and so therefore my condition is not as bad as I desperately try to tell them?

I’m going to keep pressing on as much as I can.

I know, though, that if I get to a point where I have another two-week stretch of acceptable health, I’m going to blast through some of the things I need to do. In moderation, of course, but it’s hard for me to even finish writing the 500-word minimum I imposed on myself many years ago. I don’t physically feel like I can press on through for another 500 or 1500 as I’ve been doing on some days. This is as much energy as I can give to explain how my condition is like.

If only I could get better.

Endtable
Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: The flare-up and writing through the worst of it.
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2021 August 11 [11:14pm to 11:24pm]
Last Edited: 2021 August 11 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]

 

My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.