[Tripping On…] Pain Reduces Appetite

What I found most interesting about this health issue I’ve been resolving, where my spine is not responding well to anything we do to work on my posture, is that with my increasing pain, I’ve had essentially no appetite for weeks. I’ll eat, sure, and the food will be nice, but I haven’t had the “need” to eat. Without desiring food, without hunger, throughout the past two months, I have lost 20 pounds, which wasn’t good…

I have burned 10 pounds per month before.

When I burned off 60 pounds over 6 months, through increasing the quality of my diet with some caloric reduction and an increased amount of exercise, but this was 20 pounds burned off through not doing much of anything. My body has become fragile. I would imagine a majority of that 20 pounds was muscle degradation. I can probably recover that soon, but it’s scary to imagine that, even for someone like myself that writes about fitness frequently, it’s easy to not see these sorts of things come up.

I haven’t been rowing, sure, but I thought I was managing things.

When I’ve looked over my caloric intake, I’ve had two days over the past two months where I’ve consumed more than 2,000 calories, and most days, it’s been barely over 1,500 calories. The thing is, though, as I told the physical therapist when we talked about this, I’ve had no appetite to the point where when I cooked the spam that bumped me over the 2,000 mark a few days ago, I felt nauseous and sick after eating more than my body could tolerate.

My route to improvement will consist of some things:

I’m taking medicine to reduce my overall pain levels. This should increase my physicality and my appetite. One positive side effect, I suppose, is that I slept from 1am until basically 6pm today. I fell asleep in my chair at around 1am, it could have been closer to 11pm, I don’t know, I just remember waking up twice, for a second, then finding myself here, awake, at 8am, so I shut everything down, then went to sleep. I had set a 2-hour timer, but woke up at 6pm, feeling much better.

I will try to eat more than as much as I can, but it’s tough.

Right now, for example, I ate a sandwich I had prepared for myself yesterday and had some biscuits with my coffee. I am not hungry at all and have 800 more calories I can eat for today. I could cook some chili, or clam chowder, but I would be eating it just for the nourishment, I suppose, so I suppose I should do that.

Eating anything is disinteresting.

It’s not like doing stuff on my computer, like writing, playing ENDLESS WAR, or watching stuff is more interesting. I suppose it might. It’s probably more like I feel so sick right now that the idea of eating anything at all causes my stomach to repulse, slightly, so all I can do is just sit here and think about why I’m not hungry. Maybe I should cook the clam chowder after I’m done writing, then wait until I’m hungry? The preparation process might have been the original cause of my weight loss. I had been eating food that was relatively accessible and easy to eat. However, once I ran out of nuts, crackers, and assorted things, with current events disinteresting me from going to the store much, I didn’t snack much, and with a subtly decreasing appetite, things just happened like that.

I have been going to grocery stores now with my mask.

I would have gone today to pick up things, but after sleeping through most of the day, I just felt like staying inside. I should have done something physical just to regain my strength, but that’s the thing too; I don’t currently feel interested in doing much of anything. I’m content to sit here, not listening to music, not doing much of anything, so maybe that’s my body’s way of prioritizing resting and recovering? I haven’t even gotten into the heavy medications yet, I’ve just been clearing out my weaker medications that I had saved in reserve. If I don’t need the stronger ones, I won’t use them, otherwise, if I do, I’ll write about them later, so I can give honest trip reports.

I do feel exhausted enough to the point of not being interested in writing.

Health is a weird thing. You think you’re doing OK, or at least managing things well enough, like I had been tracking my calories to the point of noticing I wasn’t eating much protein, so I brought in more protein to my diet than normal, but I guess I wasn’t looking at everything. Since I have been wanting to burn weight for the past few years, I was looking at the weight decrease positively, but the fact that I haven’t been exercising should have made me look at that decrease with some hesitation.

Will I put on more weight now?

I almost imagine that I won’t be much, even if I bump my numbers above 2,000 calories for the next few weeks. It will be difficult for me to eat that much, even with protein shakes but not with soda, but it’s a goal I should try for now. Just thinking about that right now isn’t appealing, but that’s the route to recovery. I would like to get on my rower here soon, after all.

Should I try to get on there and do 5 strokes tomorrow?

That will be a good place to start, so I’ll do that tomorrow and before going into physical therapy again, so I can give a progress report to my physical therapist. I would do it now, but I suppose my only excuse is that it’s after hours in the apartment-mansion and my noisy downstairs neighbors might complain. Plus, I’m not feeling well.

I won’t push my health too much by doing much physical now, then, as long as I promise for tomorrow.

Quotes: None.
Sources: My personal experiences.
Inspirations: The title came to mind when I was thinking about this weekend’s topics for “The Story” I’m publishing today and tomorrow, and realizing possible causes of my health’s declination.
Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters. I put Rowing in here because it’s related, but I decided while writing that I wouldn’t add it to this upcoming week’s Rowing essay, so look forward to something more physical.
Picture: Template
Written On: 2020 June 13 [11:09pm to 11:40pm]
Last Edited: 2020 June 13 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]
My big goal is writing. My most important goal is writing "The Story." All other goals should work toward that central goal. My proudest moment is the most recent time I overcame some fear, which should have been today. I'm a better zombie than I was yesterday. I'm not better than you and you're not better than me. Let's strive to be better every day.