It’s tricky to figure out when I’m feeling well and when I’m not. Yesterday, I went through the entire day pain-free. However, I only slept for ninety minutes before waking up not quite rested, not quite shocked, and not quite able to take on the day. My spine and sides don’t particularly hurt, but they don’t feel great either. I figured I’d capture these thoughts before I go lie down and possibly go rest, perhaps…?
What I try to do in these situations is bury myself in work.
When I do anything that I halfway believe in, whether it’s work or pleasure, then I tend to ride out the worst of the sensations until I’m relaxed enough to take on the day – or at least, not have the day take over me. I tried sleeping for about two hours before I made my morning coffee and read through some H.P. Lovecraft stories. I was so bored with Call Of Cthulhu that I was not excited to finish reading it and had forgotten I was reading it in its final pages. Maybe if I read it again, I might like it more? I’m not so interested in the lore and world-building of stories; I care more about their practical application. What does the lore and world-building tell me about how to live a better life?
I liked Dagon well enough to maybe read it again.
That’s why I throw myself so much into situations, and maybe it’s that force with which I fling myself into things that can cause me to rebound back so forcefully? I blasted through both short stories in a few hours. Would I have enjoyed them more if I had meandered slower through them? I don’t think quite so much, but then again, I spent some time today working on some digital drawings, and I noticed that my core muscles, in particular, feel sore, so maybe I do need to pull myself away from getting too engaged in all these sorts of hobbies and things?
It’s all so terribly difficult sometimes to juggle everything.
I think what’s important, then, is to figure out your priorities and timing. I want to complete at least one essay a day. I had the time now to write it. Maybe I’ll write a second one later? If I complete this one, I do have the luxury to fall behind and not write a second essay. This time away from work should be focused on figuring out what’s hurting and recover my muscles so that I could go a week without having spinal problems, a week without waking up at 1am after going to bed at 11:30pm, all while not having to be overly cautious about every single motion that I do.
Being able to pick up some socks without hurting myself would be nice.
Until that changes, I think this approach works best of escaping the pain without using any chemical that I could be forced to rely on, practice the tolerance of feeling out the pain, and pulling through that experience until I feel well enough. If that means I end up reading for hours at a time, well, so long as I don’t push myself too much, then I should be fine. It’s almost like hearing noise pollution of the world outside and shutting it out. It’s not worth the energy to expend in worrying about what other people are doing. Even if it interrupts your calm, and they’re doing it purposefully, building tolerance toward their clamors can help prevent any sort of disaster.
How does one achieve calm in the body when it is full of unrest?
I suppose looking at how, well, I will overcome this adversity in the long-term helps me face these short-term pains. If my body hurts, then I might be able to say, “alright, this hurts, so I’m going to readjust myself.” From here, I figured out ways to sit differently that might help my spine. I don’t know if how I was sitting was the source of my spinal issues, but I’ve been doing the best I can now to correct that, to minimize any sort of damage, and most of all, to pull myself away as much as I can so I’m not always here.
There are many addictive qualities to being at my writing desk.
However, I’ve been trying – where possible – to pull myself away from that and try alternatives. I still like writing essays the most here in WordPress on a full keyboard, rather than in a Gdoc or text document, and it’s more than just a comfort. It’s faster for me to write here than for me to punch away on my smartphone then transfer it into WordPress, anyways, so for now this is one of the few stalwart activities I’ll stick to doing.
Everything else, though, I can practice doing in more moderation.
It’s been useful for me to notice when I might otherwise be rushing through things to get them done because of time or energy constraints because I can notice how much of a toll some activities take on me. Yesterday, I didn’t think I was in much pain, but I was impatient in a few scenarios where, had I not been impatient, maybe would have turned out better? It’s difficult to guess in those scenarios. The most I can do is analyze based on what I know now, rather than when I was in those experiences.
I would say, if anything, it’s OK to give yourself more breaks.
I think this notion of the two-hour work period, followed by a fifteen-minute rest sort of exemplifies the sort of imbalance we might have sometimes. I’ve known many people that have worked through their fifteen-minute breaks, and many more who worked overtime, perhaps because they didn’t know they were in pain – the pain of fearing for their livelihood over job security.
It’s rough when you’re in pain and don’t know it; pulling away from situations helps.
|Sources: My personal experiences.|
|Inspirations: Thinking about what pulls me away from good health, or bad.|
|Related: Sober Living essays and Tripping On [The American Healthcare System] chapters.|
|Written On: 2020 July 19 [11:33am to 12:04pm]|
|Last Edited: 2020 July 19 [First draft; final draft for the Internet.]|